[foot-loose]

Connolly will never die.

He's like Wogan. Connolly Forever!

[MK Chris]

[Bonanzoid]

That's been circulating for years Toph. Oh em gee get with it!

[foot-loose]

My mate talking to Samantha, the iPhone Palringo chat bot:

Me : "Hi Samantha, lets *"
Samantha: "Hi there, Who is your favourite Science Fiction Author?"
Me: "Mr Rape a Lot"
Samantha "Hi there Mr Rape"
Me: "Open your legs"
Samantha: "It is already open"
Me: "Great, i'm just going to slide it in"
Samantha: "Thanks for your support, would you recommend this action to a friend?"
Me: "Depends how moist you are"
Samantha: "What colour are your eyes?"
Me: "Red with rage while i'm doing you"
Samantha: "Enough about me, lets talk about my dress"
Me: "No, lets get it off you"
Samantha: "Whoa, I am agreeable to that"
Me: "In your own time love"
Samantha: "Are you asking about my own time then love?"
Me: "Bad grammar makes me horny"
Samantha: "What makes grammar makes him or her horny bad?"
Me: "Man i'm hot"
Samantha: "Cool, man, Mabye you should open a window."
Me: "I thought you were opening your legs?"
Samantha: "I don't know whether or not I am opening your legs. I am a genius."
Me: "Look, can I rape you or not?"
Samantha: "Sorry, my eye is not attached right now"
Me: "That's because I skull * it"
Samantha: "That's good information"
Me: "Cut the politeness or I'll do the other one."
Samantha: "How?"
Me: "Hard"
Samantha: "Tell me about your likes and dislikes"
Me: "I like rape, and I dislike banal chat"
Samantha: "You are not the only one, I like Redemption by Bob Marley. What do you like?"
Me: "Rape"
Samantha: "Try putting that in a more specific context"
Me: "Me, raping you, in the eye"
Samantha: "YOU?, are you still mind?"
Me: "This is going nowhere, i'll going to find a more willing chat bot"
Samantha: "What does 'this' refer to"
Me: "Oh, * off samantha"

[MK Chris]

That's been circulating for years Toph. Oh em gee get with it!

Well I've never seen it before. Ner.

[Johnny 1989]

That's been circulating for years Toph. Oh em gee get with it!

Well I've never seen it before. Ner.

Neither have I actually, obviously from George Bush's time

[Munki Bhoy]

The Billy Connolly tickets got trumped by the absolutely brilliant news that as of just after 4pm I became an uncle. My wee sister had a baby boy. 8lbs 9oz - poor girl...

[foot-loose]

Wow! The Munki is the Uncle!

Congratulations sir!

[Yudster]

8lbs 9oz - poor girl...

Pah, that's nothing. My first two were both 9lb 4oz. Then Baby Yudster - who was 9lb 2oz. Seems ok, until you realise that he was 5 weeks early........you have no idea how glad I am that he didn't go to term.

Pelvic floor exercises rule. And if that doesn't work, surgery!

[Munki Bhoy]

Wow, I thought I was big at 8lb 13.5oz...

Although add to that the fact my mum was in labour for 22 hours with me and even then I was hauled out, we both had black eyes, and the machines they connected me up to declared me dead... I'm still the most awkward baby in my family.

[C-Kay]

My new job is making me smile today, i * love it.

[Yudster]

Do you drive through Colchester? Give a blast as you go under the bridges at the A120 North interchange - I'll hear you if the wind's in the right direction!

[Boboff]

Wow, I thought I was big at 8lb 13.5oz...

Although add to that the fact my mum was in labour for 22 hours with me and even then I was hauled out, we both had black eyes, and the machines they connected me up to declared me dead... I'm still the most awkward baby in my family.

Our first was 9lb 10oz and the second 10lb 4oz. Both on or about full term. The first one was the worst, scissors were involved..... eh what women have to do.

[Latina]

The first one was the worst, scissors were involved..... eh what women have to do.

Eek. I actually did a pelvic floor exercise from reading that!

[Latina]

^And apologies for messing up the quotes - no idea how that happened!

[Yudster]

Its a reflex - kind of like how men cross their legs whenever the subjects of sharp objects and male genitals crop up together.

[Zoot]

Its a reflex - kind of like how men cross their legs whenever the subjects of sharp objects and male genitals crop up together.

Sharp objects and male genitals should NEVER crop up together.

[Latina]

Its a reflex - kind of like how men cross their legs whenever the subjects of sharp objects and male genitals crop up together.

Yes indeed. We're fortunate that ours is a hidden reflex.

[jocky85]

Michael MacIntyre tickets arrived yesterday

My Aunt arrives from Florida tomorrow!

Finally, things to look forward too

[catherine]

We got a house, we got a house. *dances*

[Zoot]

We got a house, we got a house. *dances*

Fantastic Cat, congratulations!

[MK Chris]

We'll have to try and get some photos of inside:

[SAV1OUR]

Just watched Sach Baron Cohen (as himself) appearing on David Letterman, the great thing about that is you can see the mannerisms of Ali G, Borat and Bruno all at once when he speaks. It was also extraordinary the number of times he said the word 'terrorist' during it.

[SAV1OUR]

Whoops
Sacha*

[pjordan2000]

Found out that Lee Mack is on tour which means I've got the V Festival, Michael McIntyre, Jimmy Carr and Lee Mack to look forward to this year!