The chrismoyles.net TV & Radio Show Reviews
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By Chris
#241876
1. Lostprophets - Last Train Home 7:00 NEWSBEAT 2. The Black Eyed Peas - Hey Mama, 3. The White Stripes - 7 Nation Army, 4. Kelis - Milkshake, 5. BUZZ OFF - Travis - Happy, 6. Tomcraft - Loneliness 7:30 NEWSBEAT 7. 50 Cent - If I Can’t, 8. Feeder - Forget About Tomorrow, 9. Britney Spears - Toxic, 10. Foo Fighters - All My Life 8:00 NEWSBEAT 11. David Guetta feat Chris Willis - Just A Little More Love, 12. Jamelia - Thank You, 13. Nickelback - Feelin' Way Too Damn Good, 14. Robbie Williams - Something Beautiful 8:30 NEWSBEAT 15. The Darkness - Love Is Only A Feeling, 16. R Kelly - Ignition (Remix), 17. Evanescence - Going Under, 18. Coldplay - Shiver (Tedious Link), 19. Usher feat Ludacris - Yeah, 20. The Rasmus - In The Shadows, 21. Will Young - Your Game 9:30 NEWSBEAT 22. Aaliyah - More Than A Woman, 23. Keane - Somewhere Only We Know, 24. Justin Timberlake - Like I Love You

There’s nothing quite like a good start to the week...
Dominic (finishes reading weather forecast) - and just one thing Chris as well, I did say Trevor Sinclair although of course I meant Frank Sinclair in regards to that top story
Chris - Trevor Sinclair had nothing to do with that story
Dominic - Absolutely
Chris (sniggering) - What a great start, it’s 7:03 in the morning
(Dave laughs off mic)

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Friday night was of course Chris’s <s>brief</s> big TV appearance on Top Of The Pops, where he introduced his great mate Peter Andre as The UK’s Official Number One. If you didn’t catch it then you didn’t miss much. Chris was quite good but only cos he was on for less than a minute. With him and TV less is definitely more. Chris unsurprisingly thought he was brilliant and said he was the star of the show. He wondered whether he might have still been a bit rusty from his days on five, but (cue Mel B Bo Selecta voice) “I’ve still got it - it never left me”. Chris brought along his huge entourage to TOTP on Friday evening (he said it was bigger than Usher’s). It consisted of Will, Sophie, Dave, Emma and Dominic. Dave and Dom in particular were enjoying the massive, luxurious TOTP dressing rooms, gladly accepting a case of Red Stripe that was delivered while Chris was rehearsing, as well as also scoffing the Krispy Kreme donuts and nandos chicken provided. Dominic in particular was enjoying his new found Breakfast show fame, having pictures taken and signing autographs for some bladdered Radio 1 competition winners in the “Pops bar”. Dave’s wife Emma was disappointed she never got to meet Andre, although Chris’s missus Sophie did and for a change Peter said that Chris was “a legend”. Fresh back to the music scene after a break in the world of retail, Bubbler Ranx was also performing with Peter on Friday night (see video clip here) and was extremely excited to meet to Chris in the bar afterwards for some post show refreshments. There is a piece in todays Sun in which Peter is bigging up Chris, although Chris wasn’t particularly liking his choice of words...
Peter (talking about Chris) - Chris Moyles has been great but we haven’t been out on a date yet. We’re going to go out for a drink soon and I owe him a VERY LARGE ONE. He’s been RIGHT BEHIND ME from Day 1..

MONDAY CHART UPDATE WITH WES:
Before speaking to Wes this morning, Chris was searching the length and breadth of the studio computer system for his chart music, which had seemingly vanished. Wes told Chris that the production on the music had actually changed while he’s been away on holiday, but said it still should have been on The Chart Show jingles page. Chris eventually gave up and used the Top Of The Pops bed instead. Wes was sounding a lot better than Mills did last week, despite the fact that his body clock is still screwed and he got just two hours sleep last night. He told Chris that he has had a nightmare of a time since getting back. First of all Wes realised he’d gone and left his phone in his hotel room in New York. To make matters worse, every time he rings it up to try and sort something out regards getting it back, a group of foreigners are on the other end who can hardly hear him and don’t speak a word of English anyway. Wes also returned home to find a huge scratch down the side of his new car and (get this) a £1,000 electricity bill waiting for him in his flat. Chris thought he was kidding at first and Dave said that’s more than it costs for a One Big Sunday. The bill is also only since December, which convinced Wes even more that he must be plugged into the grid somewhere. He said he moved into a flat with under floor heating last summer and as he doesn’t know how it works, he decided just to leave it on permanently. In over six months he’s never switched it off and Chris said he wasn’t an expert but that probably had something to do with the thousand quid he’s now having to cough up. Wes is covering for Nemone on Early Breakfast this Friday and he said he might get a representative from the under floor company in to answer his or any listener questions on the matter. The main things of note in yesterdays chart were George Michael going straight in at number 4 (quite literally “amazing”), Outkast spending their 17th week in the top 10 with Hey Ya and Britney getting her first UK number one in almost 4 years with Toxic. Chris again talked about his pre-made, edited, perfectly mixed down parody of that song...that has been banned from the air by the miserable pin head suits upstairs. Wes made a mess of introducing the new number one as he couldn’t hear the song down the line of his newly-bought portable house phone.

MOYLES, FINTON AND PAPA-DOM:
Chris chatted to Dominic about his 8 month old son Finton, who’s recovering from a cold at the moment. Chris asked slap head if Finton was learning lots of things at nursery. Dom had to explain to Chris that he wasn’t really as he’s only 8 months old...”put it this way - he’s not driving yet”. Dave added that he hasn’t started doing algebra either and Dom confirmed to Chris that no, he also hadn’t started courting yet. Chris’s excuse for this lack of baby knowledge was that he’s an unmarried man with no kids and he knows nothing about them. He said he was sure he’d change when he had them but for now he thinks all babies look the same and he’d rather go out and buy an iPod.
Chris - I’m not being heartless
Dominic (sarcastic) - No, it doesn’t sound like you’re being heartless at all
Chris - NO I’M NOT BEING HEARTLESS! I don’t have kids and...
Dom (interrupting) - We’re talking about my only son
(Dave laughs)
Chris - ....and I’m sure to you he’s very important, but...
Dom - FAIRLY IMPORTANT YES!!!
(Dave and Rachel laugh loudly in the background)

Dave took the pee out of Chris’s “I’m sure to you he’s very important” quote, saying he’s gonna make a great dad. Eager to prove his point that all babies look and are the same, Chris asked Dom if Finton had any of his own characteristics. Dom said yes - he moon walks, Dave chipped in with “he makes a mean lasagna” and Chris agreed he’s crackin at the * bar. At the end of the link Dave said Chris had just displayed how narrow minded and selfish he can be.
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Chris’s mum Vera texted in to the show to tell Juliette to congratulate Ireland on their Six Nations egg chasing win over England in her 8:30 sports bulletin. Chris said he was pleased Ireland won and Jules told him that that win had left the tournament wide open. Dave quizzed Chris on who the six teams in the Six Nations were. Chris got five right but surprisingly Czechoslovakia weren’t the missing one. While Dave was being a smart arse with his little quizzes, Chris decided to do one of his own on the team. It is Sophie’s birthday coming up and she wants to do something different...so the topic of a bingo and ten pin bowling afternoon combo had been raised at the Moyles maisonette this weekend. Because of this, Chris went round the room testing Dom, Jules, Dave and Rach on their bingo catchphrases. Dom got 1/5 right, Jules 3/3 right, Dave 0/4 right and Rach 1/3 right. Rachel said she used to check cards in a bingo hall so she should have known more. I also have to say Chris’s knowledge of the catchphrases was a little bit frightening...
Chris - Your turn Dave, more than eleven?
Dave - twelve?
Chris - No, thirty seven
(Chris, Dom and Jules laugh)

Chris played a ninety second montage of all the weekends FA Cup goals, which Dave near enough spent his entire weekend watching down the boozer. While he was doing that, Rachel and Aled were living it up abroad. Rachel and her friend Kate from Kiddy went to Paris for the weekend, although Rachel returned with no presents at all as she said there was nothing worth buying. Chris did a fantastic impression of her in France after 9:30. He played French music and acted out both the roles of a French waiter at a restaurant and Rachel in her kiddy twang, trying to order chips. Definitely one to Listen Again to if you can (visit Chris’s mini-site and click on Mon Listen Again). Aled was out in New York living the life of a cross-Atlantic celeb at the weekend (well actually he was over for a mates birthday party). He landed back at Heathrow early this morning and when Chris rang him live at 8:55, he was on the train back into central London. The conversation was brief as Chris only wanted to make sure he’d got the team presents. He had (as well as a load of clothes for himself) and they were all back safely through customs. Chris already knows what his is as he asked for a t-shirt from Abercrombie & Fitch (XXL size of course). Dave doesn’t but is hoping for better than his last holiday gift from Aled, a teddy bear sailor with a pre-recorded message from Aled saying “I wanna be your friend”.

Chris had a Guess Who from Saturday night, when he was out with friends in the posh VIP part of a swanky London club (he’s changed). The Guess Whoee was Ricardo from Back To Reality (who Dave thinks looks like Louise Redknapp on steroids). Other Back To Reality stars spotted included Catalina and Sarah Kozer (type her name into google, you get some interesting results). Dave said “That’s the first trans gender Guess Who we’ve ever had on this show”. Buzz Off today was Happy by Travis from 1997, played off a promotional copy of their debut album that Chris got given when he had first joined Radio 1. Dom filled in for Aled and buzzed first on 34 seconds. Rachel was next on 1:53, Dave third on 3:03 and the listeners buzzed almost immediately after on 3:05. There were more listener texts coming in after 9 today in yet another one of those stupid, pointless Chris Moyles text votes that fill up too much air time. It started cos Rachel wasn’t impressed with the link after today’s Tedious and Dave told her he prefers to think of it as ”late half time”. The peak hour is out of the way and between nine and half past they are just basically padding till Carpark Catchphrase. Chris opened a vote to see whether the listeners had enjoyed the show today or not, but it quickly turned into a “who do you prefer? - Chris + Dave or Rachel” vote. The bizarre options were text TROMBONE to 81199 if you like Chris and Dave and text CLARINET to 81199 if you like Rachel. Over 12,000 very sad people texted in. Dave had two words for Rach - “Land slide” (it’s actually one Dave - landslide).

RADIO 1’S DIGITAL WEEK:>>>
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This week is Radio 1’s Digital week with each daytime show between today and March 14th giving away either a DAB Digital Radio or a Freeview set top box. Chris kicked things off this morning by asking people to register to stand a chance of winning. You can do it in 2 ways - either by texting the word Digital and then your name to 81199, or by filling out the form here at Radio 1 ONLINE. Each show will pick a number at random and that caller will then be brought on the air to answer a multiple choice question. If they get it right they will win. Couldn’t be simpler could it?...well apparently it could. Hundreds of texts piled in spelling digital incorrectly (seriously, where do they get these people from) and Chris had every right to rant at them as not five minutes earlier he had patronisingly spelt it out letter by letter on air. Next Monday all the weeks winners will go into a hat (not literally) and one will be put on the air to gamble their prize to win Radio 1’s “Digital Life”. This means they’ll win a Lap Top, DAB Digital Radio, Video Mobile, Digital Hi-Fi and Freeview box. Belinda from Leeds was the winner of a digital radio on todays show, correctly identifying The Archers as the current leaders in the BBC Listen Again chart.

CARPARK CATCHPHRASE:
ADAM a white van man, City fan from Bury 2*
SARAH a social work assistant from Erpingham in Norfolk 0

*Typical, the only time a caller from my home town ever gets on the air and he’s a miserable git (and a blue). Chris seemed to enjoy chatting to him though and basically let him win by ignoring Sarah’s horn.

Daves Tedious Link
The Bucketheads The Bomb (These Sounds Fall Into My Mind) - The phrase “the bomb” is actually street jive for something that is really good - Good Thing was a 1989 hit for The Fine Young Cannibals - Other pop music references including the use of the word cannibal include I Eat Cannibals by Toto Coelo - If you remove the “Coelo” part of Toto Coelo you get Toto, who were a band that had a hit with Africa and also the name of Dorothy’s dog in The Wizard Of Oz - Oz is what the locals call Australia - Australia is the birthplace of our good friend Ms Kylie Minogue - Kylie rhymes with wiley, which is a bit like cunning and is a word often used to describe coyotes - Coyotes are ugly - Ugly Kid Joe had a hit with Everything About You in 1992, the same year that Sleeping Satellite was a number one for Tasmin Archer - Tasmin Archer shares the same surname as Jeffrey Archer - Jeffrey Archer is an author and in that respect shares something in common with Robert Louis Stevenson - Stevenson (first name George) invented the steam train - Steam is created when hot air meets cold - and Coldplay once had an early hit with their cold themed single entitled Shiver - Which links us to Coldplay and Shiver

FLAWS
* Hot air meeting cold air is condensation and doesn’t create steam
* Richard Trevithick designed the steam train, George Stevenson invented the rocket
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By MK Chris
#294365
It wasn't Chris (Moyles or Harris) it was MC that wrote that.
By Fathomer
#295474
They were the bountiful glory days of reviews. It makes me dewy eyed thinking back to 2004. There was a really funny female reviewer in 2005 who reviewed regularly for about 4 months. Anyone remember?

TCMS Unedited Saturday 21st September, 2019 […]

Jesus, Chris sure knows how to burn his bridges. […]