- Fri Sep 12, 2014 11:14 am
My main weakness is that I can never remember names. It’s my Whatshisname’s heel.
I cut my hand on a margarine tub yesterday. I can’t believe it’s not better.
It’s hard work eating this Lion Bar. It’s no Picnic.
My mate designed the machine that puts liquid centres into cough sweets. He says it’s not Locket science.
WANTED: Chefs who use herbs and spices sparingly. No thyme wasters please.
We call ourselves civilised, yet here we are in 2014, and I still have to empty the dishwasher BY HAND. - LIKE AN ANIMAL!!
I just got a free meal in Pizza Hut. They do it for everyone who jumps out of the toilet window and runs away.
I’ve had issues with mixing my metaphors in the past, but I think I can finally see the carrot at the end of the tunnel.
The dog is now completely bald but I still feel sicker than ever. I won’t be trying that hangover cure again.
ME: “I fancy coming home at lunchtime for a quickie.”
WIFE: “Fine. Incidentally, it’s pronounced ‘Quiche’”.
Mozart’s parents were idiots. Everybody knows it’s a pack of wolves, not a bloody Wolfgang!
POLICE OFFICERS WANTED for public enforcement duties. Interviews tomorrow. Come early and beat the crowd.
IKEA are rebranding their flatpack furniture ‘The Suppository Range’....because you put it up yourself.
I hate it when my Korean girlfriend shows me those big puppy dog eyes. In fact most of her cooking is pretty disgusting.
Scotland: “I’m leaving you.”
Britain: “You can’t!”
Scotland: “I’m leaving, it’s over.”
“Britain: “...I’m pregnant!!”
Scotland: “Aww Jeez!”
The Freudian Slip Society meeting has been cancelled due to unforeskin circumstances.
I've actually met Chris n shook his hand. This fact is still causing slight issues in my trouser dept....
Yudster wrote:Best post ever.