The TV & Radio Show Reviews
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By Chris

1: Craig David – All The Way, 2: Foo Fighters – Best Of You, 3: Armand Van Helden – My My My, 4: Tupac feat. Elton John – Ghetto Gospel, 5: Goldfrap – Ooh La La, 6: Travis – Flowers In The Window, 7: Eric Prydz – Out Of Touch, 8: Green Day – Wake Me Up When September Ends, 9: Gwen Stefani – Cool, 10: Faithless – We Come One, 11: Charlotte Church – Crazy Chick, 12: Oasis – The Importance Of Being Idle, 13: Gorillaz – DARE, 14: Lee-Cabrera - Shake It (Move A Little Closer), 15: Kanye West – Diamonds From Sierra Leone, 16: Zero 7 – Destiny (tedious), 17: Inaya Day – Nasty Girl, 18: Hard Fi – Hard To Beat, 19: Blackeyed Peas – Don’t Lie, 20: The Caesars – Jerk It Out

Drew Barrymore

Despite having been moist about doing it all week, Chris rolled in for today’s interview with Drew Barrymore unshaven and, I’m willing to wager, looking more than a little like a sex pest. He did “have a shower this morning, and everything” though, and had splashed Vera Wang all over, in the hope that a good dousing in Wang would have Barrymore all a-quiver, despite his “homeless” beard.

Before I go any further, I’m going to point out that I’m going to refer to Drew Barrymore as “Drew” for the rest of the piece. I’m having another James Nesbitt experience when I don’t know whether to use first name, surname or both. As Drew has a more vast surname than I can be bothered to type repeatedly, I’m calling her Drew. And I’m not comfortable with it, but it’s something I’m just going to have to come to terms with. Anyway, on with the show…

The impending interview was heralded by a well-researched and 100% factual fact file about Drew Barrymore. Now we all know that Drew Barrymore, daughter of Michael, was cast in the role of ET by Steven Spielberger, catapulting her to child stardom. She also began smoking a pipe and “wearing make up and stuff” at age of 2, and was sadly diagnosed as practising vegan at 4. Well, I laughed. Reminded me of Harvey Goldshite off of Mark and Lard’s graveyard shift show.

Drew came in at half time, and was, in summary, pretty funny actually, which was pleasing. She said “pissing down” in the first minute or so but apologised profusely when told she can’t do that sort of thing on the Beeb, and confessed that she is “a crass kind of girl”. Chris went on to say “I don’t swear. I abhor bad language”, which was a super word to use on breakfast radio. Infotainment kids, infotainment.

Drew sniffed Dave’s Lynx Africa, and didn’t find it distasteful or trashy, as had been suggested by some other members of the team earlier in the morning. She went on to reveal that she has a large number of toilets in her house and then talked a bit about random topics like digital cameras.

They then moved on to discuss music:

Chris: “your favourite band is The Beatles”
Drew: “yes, I love them”
Chris: “yeah, they’ve split up, sadly”

Drew said that “it’s hard not to like Coldplay”. I beg to differ – I find it really very easy. Despite that boob, she did seem to know her musical onions (namedropping Bloc Party and The Arcade Fire), to an extent. Well, she’s going out with a Stroke, she must have to listen to a few 45s with him occasionally.

Drew had to leave at 9.25, so the interview was really short. By the end of it, Chris had asked her out for a drink about 40 times, and explained to her the many and varied ways in which they’d be an ideal couple, before admitting that he has a girlfriend and therefore “nothing could ever happen” and that all his flirting was “just radio talk”. And then, at the end, he apparently “fondled a fake mannequin”. Discussions among the team after Drew left revolved around Chris being terrifying, essentially.

So, Chris was marginally creepy, but no worse than he’s been with some other female guests, and Drew seemed to tolerate it all with very good humour. Even I can see that Drew Barrymore is worthy of being awestruck by (and I’m a bird, and everything), and so who can blame Chris for having a bit of a verbal semi-on, if you will. He was just using his usual technique for interviewing pretty ladies, and it was a funny interview, and I liked it. Houpla!

A Gift for Chris

As a result of his ongoing head shaving issue, Chris was sent a set of “ceramic clippers” by Adee (ridiculous) and Paul off of The Salon. Dave spoke for the nation when wondering why one would need clippers to be ceramic when ceramicness (ceramicity, perhaps) is really only important where heat is concerned. Chris decided this must be so that your clippers match the rest of your haircare implements, in the same way as your toaster and kettle ought to match.

Why someone with hair clippers would really need straighteners too is beyond me. Unless they have random fashion hair, you know, shaved up one side, long on the other, like Phil Oakey out of the Human League. Ooh, wasn’t that human League cover of “Rock and Roll” (originally by Gary Glitter) an absolute tune. Rubbish hairdo though.

Car Park Catchphrase

Matt the locations assistant from Hitchin (Chris: “bitchin’ Hitchin, that’s what I like to call it”), who Chris seemed quite interested to talk to being as he recently worked on the fourth series of Spooks, vs Joe Public the grass strimmer from Derrington. At least that’s what it sounded like he said. I’m sure these people phone up CPC with their mouths full, I can never bloody understand what they say.

Matt got “pull the plug” eventually, and “flattery will get you nowhere”. Joe was a sulky stupid loser of a man (“I’m only 21, I don’t know a lot of catchphrases do I”), and Chris cut him off, and that pleased me, for once. Damn the stupid, damn them to hell and back.

Other stuff

Dom is, by his own “admission” the Eugene of the show, though with a less awkward mouth, as Dave pointed out.

Chris, amusingly, called Green Day’s song “Wake Me Up When Eastenders Ends”. He then utterly countered that amusingness by talking about Podcasts for about ten minutes which, honestly, almost put me to sleep.

Is it me, or does the person who says “it’s DARE” on the new Gorillaz song, sound a bit like Dave?
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