The TV & Radio Show Reviews
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By Chris

1: Maximo Park – Going Missing, 2: Justin Timberlake – Rock Your Body, 3: Kaiser Chiefs – Every Day I Love You Less And Less, 4: Kanye West – Diamonds From Sierra Leone, 5: Stereophonics – Superman, 6: Eric Prydz – Call On Me, 7: Franz Ferdinand – Take Me Out, 8: Joss Stone – Don’tcha Wanna Ride, 9: Black Eyed Peas – Don’t Lie, 10: Wyclef Jean – Perfect Gentleman, 11: Green Day – Wake Me Up When September Ends, 12: Inaya Day – Nasty Girl, 13: Eminem – Guess Who’s Back, 14: U2 – City Of Blinding Lights, 15: Primal Scream – Movin’ On Up (tedious), 16: Jamiroquai – Seven Days In Sunny June, 17: The Magic Numbers – Love Me Like You, 18: Gorillaz – Feelgood Inc., 19: James Blunt – You’re Beautiful, 20: ? - ?, 21: Natasha Bedingfield – These Words, 22: Ciara feat. Ludacris – Get On The Dance Floor

Excitement mounts over Narrowboat excursion

As the fateful Friday draws ever closer, the team’s forthcoming OB on a “bloody long boat” (as the jingle has it) is now being met less with the amusement and derision which was apparent on Monday, and more with mild trepidation and displeasure.

Good use of the Rosie and Jim theme tune again today, taking us all back to those halcyon days of childhood, and then making us feel a bit creepy when we realise that Rosie and Jim were singing, kissing puppets who hung out on a boat with a 40-something bachelor in a cravat, and there’s something altogether a bit strange about that. And Jim quite clearly had the voice of a young Zippy, which I never cottoned on to at the time.

Further to Chris’s assertion that the Rosie and Jim song states that “Milfy” drives the boat, and his associated excitement at such an individual driving said boat, some listeners texted in to say that it’s not “Milfy” but “Neil” who drives the boat. The song was duly played out again, and Dave suggested that perhaps it was “Neil Finn” (out of Crowded House) who was driving the boat, perhaps with his brother Jim Finn down the front of the boat, doing whatever gets done down the front of a boat. The Finn Brothers just aren’t mentioned very much in breakfast radio, and I know one man (well, three, if you count the Finn Brothers themselves) who will be very happy that they were today. Hurrah!

Tickets for the Ashes

Cricket isn’t for everyone. It’s not for Chris, certainly. It’s not for me yet, though I might be turned by the weekend. It happened with snooker. But then again, in snooker, they get to wear nice waistcoats, so that might be why I was ripe for the turning on that. Anyway.

This morning, the team had a pair of tickets for the opening day of the Ashes to give away. Uncharacteristically for sporting ticket prizes, hardly any fuss was made about the whole thing, and the tickets were won, with minimal fanfare, by James from Belfast. I’m sure he was jumping up and down with unbridled glee… but Chris didn’t really care, so James’s jumping is of little or no consequence.

Chris’s Long Walk To Fitness

Day 3 of Chris avoiding “the main food groups – McDonalds, KFC, Burger King…” and yesterday he had more for dinner than the “poor man’s cornetto” that he’d lived on for the past two days. He cooked for himself, and made beans on toast. Beans are rank.

Chris has put on three-quarters of the stone which he lost back in the heady detox days of January. He’s unable to run due to the “stress fracture” of his ankle, so is planning to befriend a football team’s physio in order to get free treatment. Dom has no such injury and accordingly he was “induced” at the gym yesterday which, as Chris said, “must have bloody hurt”.

Chris finally suggested that he wanted his Long Walk To Fitness to culminate in Fat Aid, a big open air concert where Bob Geldof would get up at say “Give us your chuffing lycra” and then all the “tubby ravers” would have a little dance and lose some weight.

Car Park Catchphrase

It might just be me, but I think that Roy Walker sounds a little wee bit drunk in his new clips for CPC. Good old Roy Walker. However, clips of Roy Walker saying “Ivor Biggun” and “Harry Bullocks”, and shouting “no” like a spanger, just aren’t enough to make CPC much cop. However, “get a job you workshy student” and “…sponging students” does amuse me slightly more.

Today’s CPC involved Paul the student from Loughborough vs. unemployed Leah from somewhere that sounded like Livingstone but probably wasn’t, slurring incomprehensible fool she was.

Paul guessed “cat’s got your tongue” and “firing on all cylinders”, thus making him a winner. Chris hung up on him again after a little bit of abuse. But CPC is still cack.

Other bits

Eugene from Big Brother is “the one with the complicated mouth” according to Dave.

Chris suggested that Bad Boys Inc. might be the next guests on Scott’s celebrity phone thing. Bad Boys Inc. were great. Love Chris to flaunt a knowledge of 90’s boy bands that is, frankly, unnerving in a man of his age.

Chris’s middle school was called St Kevin’s. Further to Dave’s suggestion that St Kevin is the patron saint of ram-raiding, Chris went on to search the internet to find out what St Kevin actually did. Turns out that St Kevin fed loads of people with a salmon which had been brought to him by an otter, and a cow that had licked his clothes whilst he was praying, ended up producing more milk than 50 other cows. Bargain.

Chris talked about graffiti with a topless man who sounded like Derek out of Big Brother, whilst walking under the massive table and chairs on Hampstead Heath with John Culshaw, where they were both not trying to pick up men for the sex.

Maximum hilarity regarding the James Blunt record where he sings one line and then has a massive pause, like he’s come in too early. “Don’t start yet James”. Heehee. Oh. And the video for that song is ridiculous too. James Blunt isn’t as good as Damien Rice.

Thanks, show is up

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