The TV & Radio Show Reviews
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By Chris

1: Bizarre – Rock Star, 2: Hayseed Dixie/Green Day – Holiday, 3: Blur – Song 2, 4: Inaya Day – Nasty Girl, 5: Jamiroquai – Feels Just Like It Should, 6: Eminem – Without Me, 7: Basement Jaxx – U Don’t Know Me, 8: Kaiser Chiefs – Everyday I Love You Less And Less, 9: Deep Dish – Say Hello, 10: Athlete – You Got The Style, 11: U2 – Even Better Than The Real Thing (Perfecto Mix), 12: Foo Fighters – Best of You, 13: Bodyrockers – I Like The Way You Move, 14: Joss Stone – Don’tcha Wanna Ride, 15: Cast – Fine Time (tedious), 16: Coldplay – Speed Of Sound, 17: Jupiter Ace – A Thousand Years, 18: John Legend – Take It Slow, 19: Tupac – Ghetto Gospel, 20: Gorillaz – Feelgood Inc., 21: DJ Sammy – Why?

The storms, Dom’s unidentified “spring ming”, Big Brother

In his first news bulletin of the show, Dom sounded, according to Dave, like he was “coughing banjos”. This is the second (I think) day of Dom’s unidentified “spring ming” (so called by myself, because I am mostly liking to rhyme). Debate rages over whether he sounds husky and therefore a little wee bit saucy, or whether he just sounds rough and phlegmy. Dom remains adamant that whilst his ming may be a chest infection, it is certainly not laryngitis. Only a matter of time before Dr. Mark is called in to give some vague account of what it might be, possibly.

Due to the mad and crazy storms that rocked the south-east last night, Chris’s viewing of Big Brother was interrupted, therefore he never actually saw Makosi decide that terrifying Kinga should be booted out and that often-naked Orlaith and lovely geek Eugene should enter the BB house proper. Nor did I, because I fell asleep whilst watching the storms – that’s how exciting they were.

Little 12 year old Sam’s One Road Travel

Sam e-mailed mini-Moyles to ask if One Road Travel could cover his own road, Gentian Court in Wakefield. Dom was more than happy to oblige. Nothing was going on (but a travel report about a road with no problems never fails to amuse me), but Dom planned to phone Sam regularly to check if anything major was happening. Dom’s assertion that Sam sounded “very excited” and Chris giving the little chap a nice happy Goooood Mornin’ possibly tugged on the womb strings of many a laydee listener.

Joss flaming Stone

Shoeless husky warbling hand-waving-eyes-closed adolescent Joss Stone was today’s big guest, and my, how riveting she was. Responsible for chavs across the nation sporting tiered hippy skirts (“straight outta Ma-ark One/Just like a loaded gun”) and not brushing their hair, Joss Stone sounds like a female Beppe DiMarco (no need to whisper, love) and is, I would hazard, about as interesting as him too. Though I’ve never met either of them in order to make a proper judgement about that.

The most outrageous thing that little Joss whispered was “I love Annie Lennox”. Apart from that she whispered about loving Lauryn Hill and Aretha Franklin and Coldplay, which certainly came as no surprise. Actually, she then went on to whisper, when asked what kind of music she likes, that “I like pretty much everything”. Apart from “real country music”. Contentious.

She also whispered (admittedly after prompting from Chris) about her family and her mum, and did some whispering about how exciting they all found Glastonbury. Chris played her some songs from 1987, the year of Joss’s birth. She didn’t know who the Proclaimers are. Philestine. She whispered some more about America and her popularity over there. Everyone Chris mentioned in relation to anything was “so sweet” – right from Bob Geldof through to Sonia out of Eastenders.

In essence, Joss Stone whispered, insipidly, about some stuff, and laughed, in a hushed manner at some more stuff. And that’s about it.

The Second Chris Moyles Grand Prix

Dave wore his driving shoes especially for today’s go-kart based Grand Prix. None of the girls took part, apart from Jools, because they’re “all girls”. Aled was to be commentator. Dave was the only one who really sounded at all excited about the Grand Prix, bless him.

Car Park Catchphrase

Natalie from Stratford Upon Avon vs. John from Wigan. Chris decided to run CPC in the style of Charlotte Church, Les Dawson and Tom Jones, intermittently. Natalie got “quit while you’re ahead” and “no strings attached” and therefore won. Chris seemed in a fairly chirpy and pleasant mood for CPC today, which was pleasant.

Most amusing line, upon Natalie saying that “you’ve got to look good for the summer haven’t you?”, Chris responded “it makes no odds to me, summer winter autumn spring, I always look fat”.

Other things

London Mayor Ken Livingstone “sounds like a poor man’s Zippy” according to Chris, and his advice to not flush after every trip to the toilet had the team fairly damn disgusted.

Chris paused the Athlete record to say “fart” just before the bit where it sort of goes “phhhhrrrrrrrtttttt”, which was massively funny. Dave remarked that the fart is “slightly electronic”.

Dominic did his very amusing “but MOST of all” at the start of Bodyrockers.

Chris thought he may have to postpone half time because he’d locked his girlfriend in the house and she had to be released in order that she could go to work. His remark on the situation: “what a palaaaaaaver”. Uncle Fergus went to go and let her out.

Chris started pacing up and down because he needed a wee, to which Rachel responded “that is the sign of a man who needs the toilet”, which was intense. Chris advised his listeners that the best way to wee, if you need to wee in a public place, is to stand a radiator and do it by that, therefore making it look like a leaky radiator, rather than an actual puddle of urine.

Debate raged over whether, during an interview at Glastonbury, Joss Stone had said “I love Chris” or “I love crisps”.

TCMS Unedited Wednesday February 19th, 2020 […]