The chrismoyles.net TV & Radio Show Reviews
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By Chris
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Playlist

1: Hard Fi – Hard To Beat, 2: Outkast – Hey Ya, 3: Mylo – In My Arms, 4: White Stripes – Blue Orchid, 5: Lostprophets – Last Train Home, 6: The Game feat. 50 Cent – Hate It Or Love It, 7: Charlotte Church – Crazy Chick, 8: Oasis – Songbird, 9: Basement Jaxx – U Don’t Know Me, 10: Usher – Yeah, 11: – Green Day – Wake Me Up When September Ends, 12: George Michael – Flawless (Go To The City), 13: Bizarre – Rock Star, 14: Snoop Doggy Dogg feat. Justin Timberlake – Signs, 15: Britney Spears – Toxic, 16: Tupac – Ghetto Gospel, 17: Razorlight – Golden Touch, 18: Blink 182 – All The Small Things (tedious), 19: Coldplay – What If, 20: Joss Stone – Don’tcha Wanna Ride, 21: Gorillaz – Feelgood Inc., 22: Amerie – One Thing, 23: Jem – Just A Ride, 24: Kasabian – Club Foot


One-opoly competition

Gibbering Catherine the nurse from Edinburgh vs. Gareth the mat deliverer from Leeds. Gareth won by default because Catherine got her questions about Steve Pac-a-mac and JK and Joel wrong. Bless her, she did try to get off the phone straight after she lost, because she assumed that Chris was going to cut her off, but Chris kept her on the line and asked her what her kids were called, and just as she started to tell him, he cut her off. And that made little wee Aled actively gasp.

I just don’t think that cutting perfectly nice people off is a funny thing to do. It’s like crapping in an old lady’s hat.

Chris did go on to say hello to the lady’s kids (which was probably only because Aled made him do it) which slightly reduced his loser status. But the whole farrago made me just a little bit sad.


Glastonbury, and Rachel being a big dirty hippy

Rachel, having been labelled a hippy due to her love of sunsets and solstices and Glastonbury, argued vehemently that Glastonbury isn’t just for hippies. I for one agree with her. Glastonbury isn’t just for hippies. It’s also for middle class Home Counties office workers who are convinced that spending 4 days a year in a field all skew-wiff on herbal highs and falafel will enable them to find themselves. “Ooh, here I am, I’ve found myself, I’m in a big old field full of hippies, I’ve paid 4 quid for a pint of something that is the temperature and possibly the flavour of piss, and bloody Doves are onstage, again. Hurrah!”. Rubbish.

Chris stated that he and Dave had never been to Glastonbury as it’s too muddy and too big, and is full of “people with beards who haven’t changed their T-shirt for a couple of weeks”. Dave suggested that they install a monorail, in order to aid those who can’t really be arsed to walk up hill and down dale (does one go down a dale, actually? Or is it across?) to get to the Joss Stone circle and get their aura cleansed and their chakras realigned, or whatever happens.


Another mention for us, weeeee!

The site was mentioned yet again today (methinks that Mr Moyles is completely and utterly in love with all of us and everything that we do, maybe), with Chris running through how many hits each of the individual team members profiles have received.

Chris called Rachel a “stunner”, in a comedy * accent, and Dom pointed out that he hadn’t actually said “Stannah”, which is a stairlift.

Carrie’s profile has received over three times the number of hits Chris’s profile has. And that’s even before the wet t-shirt pictures from the team’s post-exam theme park trip get anywhere near this or any other site. You boys are suckers for a posh bird who knows about football aren’t you? You’ve all got a “Lady Chatterley’s Lover” fantasy thing going on, I reckon…


Car Park Catchphrase

Camp-as-trousers Ian from Chipping Norton vs. Dean from Birmingham, who works in a glue factory. Ian appeared humourless in the face of Chris’s thinly veiled references to him being one of les homos, and Dean found the fact that glue is not actually made out of horses “unfortunate”.

The first catchphrase was “any port in a storm”, which I wouldn’t have got myself, but Dean got it in the end. He also got “in for a penny, in for a pound”, and therefore won.

Chris got hung up on by glue boy, which was gratifying for those of us who aren’t fans of Chris hanging up on callers. Ian decided to try to gay up on Aled, but he was having none of it. Today’s CPC was better than usual, hurrah.


The bits and the bobs

Chris on his appearance on BBLB tonight with Lesley: “Me and Lesley sitting on a couch next to each other. Can you imagine that… three tits together.”

Chris playing the James Brown game over “Signs”, which involved the words “lamp-post” and “garden fence”, and which I didn’t really understand. It was amusing, but then James Brown impressions are always amusing.

Chris calling the man who not only sold his Live 8 tickets for hundreds of pounds, but also was stupid enough to actually tell people he’d done it, a “pillock”. What a splendid and criminally underused word. And yes, what a pillock that man really is.

Dom’s question to Chris about his guess who: “Is he a current footballer?” made me chuckle, as I interpreted it as a person playing football with a currant (i.e. like a sultana but far more unpleasant), and that is an inherently amusing image.

Friday show is up, and platinum: https://archive.[…]