The chrismoyles.net TV & Radio Show Reviews
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By Chris
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Playlist

1: U2 – Vertigo, 2: Gorillaz – Feelgood Inc., 3: Rooster – Staring At The Sun, 4: Ciara – One, Two Step, 5: Phantom Planet – California, 6: Christine Aguilera and Nelly – Tilt Ya Head Back, 7: Athlete – Half Light, 8: Foo Fighters – The Best Of You, 9: Chemical Brothers – Hey Boy, Hey Girl, 10: Snoop Doggy Dogg feat. Justin Timberlake – Signs, 11: Mylo – Drop The Pressure, 12: Natalie Imbruglia – Shiver, 13: Boogie Pimps – Somebody To Love, 14: Chris and Dave – Bald Headed Woman, 15: The Caesars – Jerk It Out, 16: Gadjo – So Many Times, 17: Blur – Parklife (tedious link), 18: Eminem – Mockingbird, 19: White Stripes – Blue Orchid, 20: Usher – Yeah, 21: The Coral – In The Morning, 22: Basement Jaxx – Romeo, 23: Destiny’s Child – Girl


“The Apprentice”

Today’s show opened with Chris sacking Aled. Not to worry though kids, it wasn’t a real sacking, inadvertently broadcast on the airwaves by some form of incompetent. It was merely Chris pretending to be Alan Sugar on “The Apprentice”, in his big chair, sacking annoying corporate types and doing the universally recognised hand symbol for the firing of a gun.

Apparently, Alan Sugar’s sidekicks on the programme look like dead versions of Robert Powell and Patricia Routledge. Doesn’t Alan Sugar have a good beard.


Winfest

The competition today involved people texting in with false tales of tragedy in a bid to win tickets for Radio 1’s Big One Big Weekend Big One Weekend Radio Weekend (nobody really knows what it’s called this year, do they?).

The first one in was “I would like to go to One Big Weekend because my favourite word is egg”, which to me is the mark of someone who’s just watched too much Eddie Izzard but has the presence of mind to replace the word “jam” with another three-letter foodstuff word in an attempt to appear wacky and maybe a bit transvestite. But anyway.

People texted in with tales of groin strains, poorly puppies, webbed feet and comments on the relative merits of poultry. Chris also took the opportunity here to call Christian O’Connell off Xfm a *, which is altogether fair, he is cack.

Chris allowed the person who texted in “I lost to a fat kid at seesaw” to win, but that person didn’t seem like he gave a fig about doing so, so Chris phoned the man said “my goldfish ate my fingers so I’m typing this text with my tiddler” and gave him tickets too, and he cared more. That was nice. Chris then said that ticket touts don’t go to heaven, which is actually true – God told me.


1998 – A Year In Music

Chris asked Dom to choose a year from which the first song after the news would be played. For some wild reason, Dom chose 1998, which everyone knows was a fairly rubbish year for music, perhaps.

The team were given a fair few 1998 songs to choose from, including Billie Piper’s “Because We Want To”, The Mavericks with “Just Wanna Dance The Night Away” and The Lighthouse Family’s seminal “High”. Of all the songs he could have picked, Dom decided to buck with breakfast radio trend, and chose Robbie Williams and “Millennium”. Makes a change to hear that one again, eh…


Guess Who

Dave had a “who”, whom (hmm, is that correct use of the who and the whom? Probably not) he saw near Euston Station in London’s fashionable London. It was Abi Titmuss, and that was obvious to all after Dave said that she was involved in “specialist publications, but not in the print medium”. Titmuss, the dirty filthy porn star that it seems a bit churlish not to like.


Car Park Catchphrase

Little high-pitched Hayley the finance rep from Aylesbury vs. factory worker Sean from Newmarket. Hayley got “light at the end of the tunnel”, then Sean came back with “take the plunge” and “laughter is the best medicine”. But then Chris disqualified them both anyway so the whole exercise was a bit futile.


Any other business

Chris accused Carrie of favouritism in her sports reports after she said Chelsea were “creating a whole new world of football”. She met this with what can only be described as a “harrumph”. Chris then went on to suggest that Carrie ought to indulge in sauciness with rich generic Eric “monster, monster” Hall-esque Chelsea fan businessmen, in order to achieve a place in their box at the Chelsea ground.

A running theme of “televisual lies” centred on Dave’s critique of Kevin Costner in “Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves”, arriving in England at Dover, climbing over a little wee wall and being in Nottingham. Such cinematic geographical inaccuracy is not tolerated by the Chris Moyles Breakfast Show team.

Due to the similarity between the GMTV and Radio 1 text numbers, the team this morning received lots of emotional goodbyes for Eamonn Holmes, whose last day it was today. Chris then encouraged his listeners to simultaneously text “all the best Mr Holmes, from a Chris Moyles Show listener” to GMTV. Inter-broadcaster respect, very pleasing to witness.

Paws. Are they animals feet and hands, or just animal feet?

Fact that I personally was unaware of: Radiohead got the name of their album “Pablo Honey” from a prank call sketch thing by a pair of people called The Jerky Brothers. Who knew?

A confusing freeform medley of gameshow catchphrases led to Dom and Dave creating “You get nothing for a pair… in this game… unless… you chase me” which made me laugh as only the combined notions of Bruce Forsyth, Jim Bowen and Duncan Norvelle can.
2005 ERA JINGLES/BEDS

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