The chrismoyles.net TV & Radio Show Reviews
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By Chris
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Playlist

1: Shapeshifters – Back To Basics, 2: Eminem – Lose Yourself, 3: Stereophonics – Dakota, 4: Basement Jaxx – Oh My Gosh, 5: Nelly Furtado – Powerless (Say What You Want), 6: Nelly – Candy Shop, 7: Athlete – Half Light, 8: Jem – They, 9: Gorillaz – Clint Eastwood, 10: Lemar – Time To Grow, 11: Razorlight – Somewhere Else, 12: Estelle – Go Gone, 13: Lostprophets – Last Train Home, 14: Gwen Stefani feat. Eve – Rich Girl, 15: Air – Kelly Watch The Stars (tedious link), 16: Usher – So Caught Up, 17: The Killers – Smile Like You Mean It, 18: Mario – Let Me Love you, 19: Kasabian – Club Foot, 20: Jay-Z feat. Beyonce – Bonnie and Clyde, 21: The Faders – No Sleep Tonight


Will instead of Rachel

As it was Rachel’s birthday yesterday, and she was thus “out on the pop” last night, Will gave her the morning off and offered to come in and cover for her. Chris and Dave had a big sulky cob on over this, as they’re still ill with the man-flu and therefore deserve the morning off more than hungover Kidderminsterite Rachel. They then went on to bemoan their illness for making them moan. This appeared to follow the usual pattern of Chris saying “I’m ill, but I don’t want to talk about it” and then talking about it.


Listeners in far-flung lands

After Chris remarked on how the show managed to be broadcast somewhat illegally in Dublin yesterday, he called for an e-mail representation of how far away people were situated whilst listening to the show. The replies came in droves, with listeners as far afield as California, Australia and “sunny Iraq”. Largely ex-pats I’d imagine, from the content of the e-mails read out on air… I don’t know how well comedy about football and ants would go down with Johnny Foreigner. Hmm, mildly xenophobic…


The “24” Quiz

Today this involved not-nervous Jay versus nervous Charlotte, who Dave and Chris seemed to take a little wee shine to. The quiz took the same format as usual, with Chris reading out a fact-filled “24”-based paragraph and asking the contestants to recall specific facts from that paragraph. Like a radio version of the observation round in The Krypton Factor, without Gordon Burns, or tracksuits. Charlotte won, and was happy. Ahh…


Playing with the echo machine, a lot…

After ramble, Chris decided to have a play with the echo machine and make the rest of the team sound a bit vocally foolish. The funniest bit of all this marginally grating technological tomfoolery was Dave being made all high-pitched and squeaky, and Aled responding to this with “welcome to my vocal range”, which nobody in the studio even laughed at, but I did, on the bus, like a weirdo.

On a similar “tip”, as it were, Chris also enjoyed playing a selection of clips of team members saying silly things, including Carrie’s idiotic George-out-of-Rainbow-esque “ooh yes please” and Will saying “CGI wobble wobble wobble”. Dom’s pre-recorded “response” to all this was “I don’t get it” and “touching Ray Stubbs”. Fair do.


Car Park Catchphrase

Nathan the milkman from Exeter (not in a milk float, disappointingly) vs. Ricky/Richie the chav-sounding ground worker from Herne Bay. They guessed “tip of the iceberg” quickly enough, but “prevention is better than cure” and “fish out of water” took a bit longer, because the contestants, as usual, were dense. The chavvy one did a nice line in “yuk-yuk-yuk” Sid James style laughter, which Chris duly ridiculed.


The Listen Again bit

All done in order to beat The Archers in the ratings war, and a running feature for the whole week, this item was plugged by Chris earlier in the show as “unstructured, unscripted, un-punchlined drivel”. Which it might have actually been. It was just a bit weird.

The section may have given us a little insight into what actually happens when the kids finish the show. It mainly involved quite a lot of talking over each other, and little Aled piping up with random technical mutterings which nobody listened to.

Rachel went to a health spa with her friend Lynn yesterday, which involved looking at fish and falling asleep and drinking champagne and pretending to be interested in buying a membership. Then she went to the pub. Which is the way a birthday should be, but without the pretending to want a health spa membership.

Chris phoned Longman to ask him some team-generated questions. The most interesting one was that today’s special at Buttylicious was spam.

“Guess which of Chris’s celebrity mates he is phoning” was played by Carrie, and after only a couple of questions the celebrity hung up. This left Carrie with 5 questions to guess who it was, and after only 3 she figured out it was Jeremy Edwards. And what a sullen thing he sounded.

Chris then played “Guess which of Aled’s celebrity mates he is phoning”, even though the celebrity mate didn’t answer, but if he had, he would have been Mark Owen! The mere prospect of Mark Owen excited me, in the way that only ex-Take That stars can excite women of a certain age, like me.


Other Stuff

Chris had a “slight bogey” as pointed out by Dom, which he then defended as merely “crust”. There followed a discussion about the bogey-snot boundary. I personally see them as the same thing, but crust - as in the flaky-skin debris of a vigorously and repeatedly blown nose – is a different thing entirely. That’s irrelevant, though, and slightly unpleasant.

Dave discussed his crockpot, which he used to make a “chicken surprise” last night, proper domesticated like.

Breathe a sigh of relief, kids – the ant powder cleared up Chris’s infestation in his still-unfinished second bathroom.

The team were talking about how rubbish musicals are (apart from Aled of course, he loves musicals, not much of a shock to anyone, that…), after Chris revealed that Sophie was trying to get him to see Mary Poppins. Dave then ruined the dreams of musical-going children countrywide, by telling them that Chitty Chitty Bang Bang doesn’t actually fly, it’s just on a big crane. Next week: Dave dispels the myth of the tooth fairy… bah…

Dave and Chris decided to reel out some of their pun-based ideas for TV comedy. There was “Dave Shagg’s Supermodels”, which works better spoken than written down, what with the apostrophe being a giveaway and all. And there was “Bent Coppers”, which begins by alluding to a pair of policemen being dodgy in a professional context, or maybe gay, and ends with them walking down the street side by side, bent over double. Puns are maybe the new black.

Show is up, and platinum: https://archive.org/dow[…]