The chrismoyles.net TV & Radio Show Reviews
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By Chris
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Playlist

1: Destiny’s Child – Soldier, 2: The Killers – Somebody Told Me, 3: Usher – So Caught Up, 4: Lostprophets – Last Train Home, 5: Girls Aloud – Wake Me Up, 6: Junior Senior – Move Your Feet, 7: Kaiser Chiefs – Oh My God, 8: U2 – Sometimes You Can’t Make It On Your Own, 9: The Game and 50 Cent – How We Do, 9: The Strokes – Last Night, 10: Sunset Strippers – Falling Stars, 11: Natalie Imbruglia – Shiver, 12: Chemical Brothers – Galvanize, 13: Green Day –American Idiot, 14: Lenny Kravitz – It Ain’t Over ‘Til It’s Over (tedious link), 15: LL Cool J – Hush, 16: Damien Rice – Volcano, 17: Stonebridge – Put ‘em High, 18: Stereophonics – Dakota


The I *heart* Mum CD

The team had a browse through the tracklisting for this super CD which Rachel has been fobbing off on Car Park Catchphrase winners for the past few days. Particularly enjoyable was Dom’s critique of the rationale for the inclusion of Don McLean’s “Vincent” (“all about Vincent Van Gogh, who was nobody’s mum”) and Chris’s musings on the perils of using Joss Stone’s “Fell In Love With a Boy” (“you’re my mum, so that must have been what happened when you met my dad… oh… he’s not my dad…”). Think the clear advice here is, don’t buy this pathetic Mother’s Day compilation that no mother in existence will like, or your old girl will have every right to put you up for adoption. Yes, even if you’re 37.


Laundry

Dave sent an external memo (involving a different combination of bing-bong-bings to the more traditional internal memo) to his wife asking her to remove his jumpers from the washing machine and hang them on the nice warm radiator. Chris lamented how his washer-dryer washes perfectly but only dries to “slightly damp”. Rachel’s green jumper was ridiculed by Chris, but Dave leapt to her defence by saying that her scarf and jumper in combination were “autumnal”. This bit was nice. Radio for the people, by the people.


A Joke

The Judge in the Michael Jackson case to journalist Martin Bashir, eating a bacon sandwich in the dock: “what have you got on that?”. Martin Bashir: “I can’t reveal my sauces”. Teehee.


Jordan

This bit went on for chuffing ages but I thought it was pap so I’m not going to reflect it’s actual duration in the quantity of review I’ll deign to give it. Jordan, Katie Price, Mrs Peter Andre, whatever… she’s a right pain in the arse, that’s what she is. This section of the show was all a bit cringe-worthy… giving Chris ample opportunity to demonstrate what a big fawning fool he can turn into when confronted with a pair of tremendous bosoms. Jordan stated (chav-tastically, several times) that “I’m not ill, I’m pregnant”. Her potential Eurovision song was played (with commentary and radio-unfriendly choreography advice from Chris) and it’s actually not as terrifically bad as it might have been. Jordan, however, remains a silly Essex mess, sounding like she’s straight off the Trisha sofa, constantly using the phrase “only joking” and actually reeling out the cliché “anything for charity” with what one might imagine was a straight face. The item degenerated into ridiculous showbiz-great-mate stuff with Chris jokingly chiding Jordan for being a bully, and Jordan seemingly trying to harangue Chris into some form of admission of insecurity and defensiveness over his love for Sophie. Mainly irony-free gubbins, say I. She irritates me, and she probably irritates Roy Walker too.


Comic Relief Does Fame Academy

Rachel put up a “get behind Edith” poster (ooh wasn’t she good on Saturday night?), leading to a debate over whether the team should support Bowman or great mate Culshaw. During the ramble, Edith spoke to the team and sounded genuinely terrified about performing tonight (and possibly about being stuck in a house with Connie flaming Huq). I don’t think her terror was allayed at all by Chris advising she sneaks a mobile into the Fame Academy house by cling-filming it to an external feminine hygiene product and sporting the whole thing within her jeans. Bless the Bowman, make her win Fame Academy. She’s singing Lulu tonight. We-ee-eee-eeeeeeeeeeee-eeeee-eeee-eeee-ee-eeeee-eee-ll…


Car Park Catchphrase

Dave “lost” today’s catchphrases, what a numpty. This resulted in Chris calling him a “loooooser” repeatedly and making fart noises through the intro music, but I don’t think the latter was related to the losing of the catchphrases. Dave stood firm and maintained that he’d been stitched up, which was evidently true as Chris was hiding Dave’s magic Monkhouse-esque joke book (containing the catchphrases) all along. Cheeky.


Other stuff

Someone called Scott Mills’ show yesterday to ask to advertise on Dom’s head. Chris advises Dom to shave his ridiculous beard, Dom seems quite open to that idea as yesterday he “found a pea” in it. Chris shaves his hands. What a hirsute chap.

Chris has started to find Dave’s “Radio One ONLINE” voice a bit creepy, akin to someone tickling your palm with a finger when they shake your hand.

Dave has put Carrie forward for a bit of “pig-trickery” a la Rebecca Loos in aid of Comic Relief. Chris’s impression of an orgasmic pig at 9.45 in the morning was disturbing for all involved.

Friday is up, and platinum: https://archive.org/d[…]

The show is now being streamed on video on the Glo[…]