unfinished [Posted Friday, August 29 2003 by Uglybob]

1. Christina Aguilera feat Lil' Kim - Can't Hold Us Down, 2. Iio - Rapture, 3. Travis - Re-Offender, 4. R Kelly - Snake, 5. Rachel Stevens - Sweet Dreams My L.A. Ex 3:30 NEWS 6. Elton John - Are you ready for love, 7. The Cooper Temple Clause - Promises, Promises, 8. Richard X feat Kelis - Finest Dreams, 9. Busta Rhymes feat Mariah Carey - I Know What You Want, 10. Dutch feat Crystal Waters - My Time, 11. Jaimeson - Complete, 12. Robbie Williams - Rock DJ, 13. Big Brovaz - Baby Boy, 14. The Coral - Pass It On, 15. Busted - Sleeping With The Light On 4:30 NEWS AND SPORT 16. Lee-Cabrera feat Alex Cartana - Shake It (Move A Little Closer), 17. Justin Timberlake - Senorita, 18. The Chemical Brothers feat The Flaming Lips - The Golden Path, 19. Eminem - Lose Yourself 5:00 NEWS & SPORT 20. Sean Paul - Like Glue, 21. Aaliyah - More Than A Woman, 22. Girls Aloud - Life Got Cold, 23. Plummet - Damaged, 24. Starsailor - Silence Is Easy, 25. Shaggy - Boombastic (Chris’s Tedious Link), 26. Kontakt - Show Me A Sign, 27. The White Stripes - I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself

The show started today with another John Peel mistake. He pressed the wrong button twice when trying to introduce a record last night. He said ‘Chris Moyles will record that now’. He did. Jingle Justin has found a website where C-list American celebrities make direct calls to people, wishing them happy birthday etc. The messages are not pre-recorded and the ‘celebs’ will actually phone you up themselves within a fortnight of your request. It costs $14.95 and Chris had the list of people you can choose from in front of him. His top 3 were Greg Evigan (‘star’ of BJ and the bear and Melrose Place), Lou Ferringo (The Incredible Hulk) and Todd Bridges (Willis from Different Strokes).
Chris said they should get one of them to phone up Dave on his honeymoon. Jingle Justin has decided to bring the idea to the UK and Chris played calls from Jingle Justin throughout today’s show. Justin just rang up random members of the public wishing them a happy birthday, Valentines Day, Mothers Day etc. Chris bought albums from the Darkness and The Kings Of Leon today. He played Will at badminton and lost 3-2, then him and Will went into HMV on Oxford Street. Chris said he had the proof Will is an old man and is as old as him and Dave say he is. This is because Will almost bought the Best of Luther Vandross Double CD in HMV. He decided against it because it was £16.99 and he’d could just ask for a free one from the record company. Chris said could he get him one as well while his at it.
Today is Chris’s Mum and Dad’s 33rd marriage anniversary. He said ‘Which is a shocker cause I’m 35’. Will said that would upset Chris’s mum because she’s strictly Roman Catholic. Chris then ran through a load of old wedding gags such as ‘My Dad told me on the phone last night that he remembers his wedding day like yesterday. And you know what a horrible day yesterday was.’ These gags were only interrupted by shouts of ‘Taxi for Moyles’ and ‘Dave come back’ by Greyhead. Chris spent about 5 minutes talking about his Mum and Dad’s anniversary and said it was instead of a card and a present. At the end of the link he asked Aled if he wanted to say hello to his Mum and Dad back in Aberystwyth. Aled started to do this but Chris told him he couldn’t because he was abusing his job to say things for his own personal gratification.
Scott Mills is in for Chris for the next 2 weeks, but has been quite seriously ill this week. Chris texted him ‘ Hope you’re better, if not get well soon, if not it’s bloody Colin and Edith next week’. Chris wants more voiceover work and says he needs to make a demo tape. He did a deep voice saying ‘Peugeot’ and Will said it didn’t suit him. Will said that as a voice-over artist the best Chris can hope for is Bernard Manning’s Turkey Burgers. Will voices some of BBC 2’s Learning Zone shows and some of the BBC GCSE Bitesize shows. Chris did an impression of some kids watching the video in class, recognising Greyhead’s voice, telling each other and getting told to Shut Up by the teacher.
Chris also tried to make some new jingles for 1Xtra using his ‘urban voice’ and said he had new speakers so he could listen to his Digital radio in Digital stereo now and not in Digital mono.
After betting on Manchester United v Wolves yesterday, Will, Aled and Chris bet money on celebrity ‘Hello I’m Listening’, ‘Which celeb will ring Chris first’, ‘Is this line a boy or a girl’ etc. Will and Aled were crap and Chris earnt £7.50. He said it was more money per hour than what he got at Chiltern Radio. Will challenged Chris to double or
quits the whole lot on whether David Garido would screw up in his 4:30 sports bulletin. Chris said no and Aled and Will said yes. Will told Aled to get ready to go up to Newsbeat with his feather duster. Chris said ‘It’s not 5.45 already is it?’ Anyway, Chris won the bet as Garido didn’t stumble - despite having to say FC Siena, Stuttgart, Panathinaikos, Locomotiv Moscow, Dynamo Kiev, Besiktas, Roque Junior and Salomon Olembe all in one bulletin.

Wednesday 27th August 2003 (MC/Uglybob) [Posted Thursday, August 28 2003 by Uglybob]

1. Sean Paul – Like Glue, 2. M&S Presents The Girl Next Door - Salsoul Nugget, 3. A - Good Time, 4. Dido – White Flag, 5. Jamelia - Superstar 3:30 NEWS 6. D. Kay & Epsilon feat Stamina MC - Barcelona, 7. Evanescence - Going Under, 8. Kontakt - Show Me A Sign, 9. The Darkness - I Believe In A Thing Called Love, 10. Roger Sanchez - Another Chance, 11. Starsailor - Silence Is Easy, 12. Siobhan Donaghy - Twist of Fate, 13. Lumidee - Never Leave You (Uh-Oooh), 14. Good Charlotte - The Anthem, 15. Kings Of Leon - Molly’s Chambers 4:30 NEWS AND SPORT 16. Oakenfold - Starry Eyed Surprise, 17. Christina Aguilera feat Lil' Kim - Can't Hold Us Down, 18. Black Rebel Motorcycle Club - Stop, 19. Million Dan - Dogz & Sledgez 5:00 NEWS & SPORT 20. Lee-Cabrera feat Alex Cartana - Shake It (Move A Little Closer), 21. Pink - Family Portrait, 22. So Solid Crew feat The Reelists - Broken Silence, 23. Red Hot Chilli Peppers - The Zephyr Song, 24. Jaimeson - Complete, 25. Was (Not Was) - Shake Your Head (Chris’s Tedious Link), 26. The Coral - Pass It On, 27. Kelly Clarkson - Miss Independent

Chris began today’s show by moaning again about the fact Jo Whiley is away on another holiday this week. He said she gets a nose bleed when she has to work 2 weeks in a row. He also thinks that she’s using up Aled’s holiday allocation. This is because Aled has only taken 2 out of his 5 holiday weeks this year and is not planning to take any more until Christmas. Dr Mark Hamilton e-mailed in to say following yesterday’s appeal his missing jacket had been found. Someone called Steven Lowbridge had taken it by mistake from the wedding party and only realised this morning that it wasn’t his. Dave and Emma are still together and still on honeymoon and Chris said his tenner was down the drain as he thought they would have split up by now. Chris is in 3 magazines this week. He’s mentioned in the horoscopes in Heat, there is an article about the team in FHM (out tomorrow) and the gay magazine Attitude has Chris as the contestant in the ‘How Gay Are You’ quiz this month. He scored 52%, so Aled says Chris is more gay than he isn’t. Some of the questions include ‘Can you quote a line from Top Gun?’, ‘Who played The Wicked Witch in The Wizard Of Oz?’ and ‘In your house do you have any Egyptian cotton sheets?’. Chris said that the team could write a column for Attitude if they wanted them to.
On yesterdays show Scott from Southampton texted in saying he bet Chris 20 quid Southampton would beat Leeds 2-1. It was 0-0 in the end and Chris rang his number on air to claim his money. They decided to double or quits it on the return fixture later this season. Chris listened to last night’s game via the internet but didn’t hear half of it because of buffering. Aled said he needed to get broadband. Chris missed John Bradley (his mate) mentioning him in the commentary. (Chris must have been listening to Radio Aire). Chris explained what Gillette Soccer Saturday was to Will and Aled and how frustrating it was not being able to watch/listen to the game. Aled had a seemingly genius idea of getting one of Chris’s mates in the crowd to hold up a phone at the game and for Chris to put it on speaker in his house. Chris explained to Aled then he would be able to hear just the crowd noise and commentary on the game. Will’s idea was better. He said Chris should get the station (Radio Aire) to phone him up and put him on hold, so he could listen to the game. Bradders wasn’t listening when they mentioned him but Chris said he wouldn’t be listening to his own station because it was (cue Scott Mills voice) ‘rubbish’. He slagged off local radio stations for doing the battle of the sexes competition on their breakfast shows and using it as a listening point. Chris said his idea of a battle of the sexes would be a large female wrestler kicking the crap out of a weedy, wimpy accountant in a ring, live on the webcam.
George from Newsbeat’s mum has come down from Manchester today to see her. Although George was born in London, she lived in Manchester for 21 years. George did her best Manc impression - as did Chris. His sounded Scouse and he said everyone apart from people from Liverpool think his Scouse impressions are good - No they don’t Chris.
There was another fantastic John Peel technical disaster clip on today’s show. Chris was going to play it after the 3:30 news. He was first in the process of playing the old Grange Hill and Big Brother mess ups to George. Just as he was about to play the new clip, John appeared in the studio. He’d legged it in and chatted for a couple of minutes. Chris asked what he was doing in so early. He said he had a Radio 4 Show on a Wednesday. Chris said he had one of those as well. Chris didn’t have the balls to play the clip with Peel there. However, 20 minutes later (egged on by Will) he played it. John was introducing a record by Grandad Gareth and played the Fame Academy music instead (one for the Sound Vault). After about 20 seconds, the right song started. Peel back announced the record by saying ‘ If I ever find the piece of equipment that does that to me, I’m going to rip it out using my bare hands like a warrior ripping the heart out of an adversary.’
Chris blamed Aled for the screw-up because he didn’t log out Chris’s jingles from the system. Someone asked Chris to play Muse to brighten up their day. Chris saw the irony in that one. He played Sweet Child of Moped by Moped again today, and played Kings Of Leon for Ally in Lincoln who said they were talking about Pet Insurance on Radio 2 and he wanted to hear Kings Of Leon. It wasn’t on the list however, so Will said Chris could play it if they got enough texts. 14 000 came in and crashed the text messaging system.
Manchester Utd play the whipping boys Wolves tonight and Chris thought it would br funny if he bet on Wolves to win the match... at Old Trafford Aled stupidly asked where Wolves came from, it took him 6 or 7 minutes to figure it out though I think he went to the texts to find out. Wolves to win the match was 18/1. Wolves to win 2-0 was the same price as Man Utd to win 10-1. Chris sent Aled to the bookies and told him to put the magazine of Attitude sticking out of his back pocket for a laugh and a Black Country accent. For the benefits of non footie supporters, Man Utd won 1-0.
Will was getting into the betting lark with him looking at a site for strange bets on the football. For Roy Keane and Paul Ince to be sent off within a minute it was 150/1 and Wolves to win 4-0 was 1000/1. After 5 and they played more records than normal, possibly shielding the fact there is no Dave. Will asked if there was any famous Wolves supporters. Will checked a website that had famous Wolves supporters which was Jazz Man from Babylon Zoo, Peter Powell, David Coleman, Denise Lewis, Sue Lawley, Suzi Perry and Kevin Rowland.

Chris Tedious Link
Frankie Goes To Hollywood Relax - Frankie Howerd was a legendary comedian and comic actor best known for his roles in the Carry On movies - Carry On Abroad was the one that had Sid James going on holiday - Next week Chris is on holiday, Scott Mills will fill in whilst he is away - Scott is from Southampton - Southampton enjoyed a nil nil draw last night against Leeds - Nicky Byrne spent 2 years at Leeds Utd as a goalkeeper before deciding to embark on a singing career with Westlife - Westlife had a hit called Swear It Again - Ozzy Osbourne likes to swear and when not fronting his band Black Sabbath he likes to guest on other peoples tracks like the duet he did with Kim Basinger - Which links us to that track Was Not Was and Shake Your Head

Tuesday 26th August 2003 (MC/BOB) [Posted Tuesday, August 26 2003 by Uglybob]

1. Jaimeson – True, 2. Kylie Minogue - Can’t Get You Out of My Head, 3. Rishi Rich Project feat Jay Sean & Juggy D - Dance With You (Nachna Tere Naal), 4. Stereophonics – Maybe Tomorrow, 5. Busted - Sleeping With The Light On 3:30 NEWS 6. Elton John - Are you ready for love, 7. Big Brovaz - Baby Boy, 8. Muse - Time is Running Out, 9. Tomcraft - Loneliness, 10. Kelly Clarkson - Miss Independent, 11. Sean Paul - Like Glue, 12. Nickelback - How You Remind Me, 13. Girls Aloud - Life Got Cold, 14. Ultrabeat - Pretty Green Eyes, 15. The Darkness - I Believe In A Thing Called Love 4:30 NEWS AND SPORT 16. D. Kay & Epsilon feat Stamina MC - Barcelona, 17. The Thrills - Santa Cruz (You're Not That Far), 18. Jurgen Vries - Wilderness, 19. Dizzee Rascal - Fix Up, Look Sharp 5:00 NEWS & SPORT 20. Christina Aguilera feat Lil' Kim - Can't Hold Us Down, 21. Basement Jaxx - Do Your Thing, 22. Abs feat Nodesha - Miss Perfect, 23. DMX - X Gonna Give It To Ya, 24. Frankie Goes To Hollywood - Relax (Chris’s Tedious Link and STILL BANNED BY RADIO 1), 25. Starsailor - Silence Is Easy, 26. Good Charlotte - The Anthem

Just Chris, Will and Aled on the show this week as Dave is on honeymoon. The first link was basically a wedding round-up from Saturday. Aled didn’t wear a red suit after all, much to everybody’s disappointment at the wedding. He was asked by virtually everyone where it was all day on Saturday. Chris said both Dave and Emma looked great, but they couldn’t put any pictures on the website because of the Heat magazine embargo. However there was no stopping Radio 1 Online who narrowly missed out to Heat in the bidding war - and there is a picture (distorted) online, apparently drawn by the Newsbeat Court Reporter.
Chris said the weather was boiling hot and he’d never been to such a rushed ceremony in his life: ‘Do you .. yes.. Do you.. yes let’s get outside’ as there was no air con inside. Dave went down the aisle to Z Cars, the Everton walk-on music. He also wore his lucky blue Everton socks which Will said made him look stupid in the photos. Dave’s first line of his speech was ‘It’s been a great day .. We beat Fulham 3-0’. Chris said Lizzie was at the wedding, drunk and giggling uncontrollably before it had even begun. Scott Mills wasn’t there because he’s apparently quite seriously ill. Chris thought Neil from the breakfast show looked like Rick Astley at the wedding - and he didn’t appreciate Chris singing Rick Astley songs to him for about an hour on Saturday Night.
Chris said old producer Ben looked like Gareth Gates, as he was dressed in all white. As was Exec producer Ferg who brought his own booze in a rucksack but got caught out at the hotel. His argument was that he was told they could bring their own booze. When asked by some bloke from the hotel who told him that, he said it would be unfair to say. Also Chris said somebody nameless was very drunk on Sunday in the hotel and interrupted another couple’s wedding party to tell them they were both ugly. However they thought the nameless person looked like the Grinch so everyone started up a chant of ‘Grinch, Grinch, Grinch’, which Chris found very funny. Dr Mark Hamilton lost his jacket on Saturday night and still hasn’t got it back. Chris played the Crimewatch music and urged any one with any info about it’s disappearance to get in touch.
He said it smelt of surgical spirit, had rubber gloves in it’s pockets and had ‘property of Manchester Royal Infirmary’ inscribed within it. Emma’s cousin Hayley e-mailed in to say hello and Chris said she had stole it. Aled came in to work on Sunday and Monday on his days off. He tidied Will's desk and Chris said he was looking for Will's porn. Yesterday Aled also bumped into Westwood who said hello. Chris did a good Westwood impression of him saying ‘yo Aled shamai’.
Other highlights today were Will screwing up the pronunciation of the Rishi Rich Project and Chris impersonating June Sarpong’s deep voice. Girls Aloud have been slagging off Vernon Kay and June Sarpong and Chris said he’d pay good money to see Girls Aloud fighting June Sarpong (so would I, Id like to see if they make her bottom lip even bigger-bob). Chris also invited the nation’s 34FF women to e-mail in pictures of themselves. He said Lucy Pinder on the front cover of today’s Daily Star has a decent figure but looks a bit ropey and has tree trunk legs. Will said that the girl in question is the one Aled said looked like his girlfriend last week. Chris said it proves his point. He also slagged off the Sun for quoting each day’s pictured Page 3 Girl commenting on a recent news story. He said they were made up and that the job of a Page 3 Girl was to stand up, shirt off, boobs out and gob shut. He said that way everybody was happy. Not to be accused of any sexism, Chris said they should bring back the the Page 7 hunks for the girls. He said he will offer Aled to any of the papers, and take 25% of any earnings. He said he was sure Aled would back him up on that one. Chris managed to say that you could hear him on online, sky digital and on the radio, funnily he forgot the beebs way of Freeview. Sorry why is Abs being played on Radio 1, its the most dull crappy dirge ive heard in a while. If I hear saying Purrrrfec and Fluuurrrrrted, ill kick the shite out of him.

FA ALED
Great (dont start dozing off now). Its getting exciting... only joking its not. Aled taped it on Saturday night with the Bee Gees special (didnt Pop Stars the Rivals do the exact same show?). Aled played 3 song clips from the 3 songs they have written, frankly awful, Peter is a bit out there. Chris said that the only interesting point was when Kielty and Park started to row. James said that he thinks he can win this, he thinks he is the most talented. He said this to Jeremy, the personal advisor (wasnt he the one who snogged one of the contestants last year, surely not very professional. Aled misnamed Jenson Button as Benson Button.

Chris Tedious Link
JX Son of a Gun - The Peter Gunn theme featured in the Blues Brothers - Blues Brothers starred John Belushi and Dan Ackryod - Dan Ackryod starred in Ghostbusters - Ghostbusters was a big hit for Ray Parker Jnr in 1984, the same year Michael Jackson had a hit with Farewell My Summer Love - Farewell My Summer Love is what you might say to your holiday romance as you board the plane at Faliraki Airport full of promises to keep in touch but with no intention of doing so thus breaking the poor girls heart - Dont Break My Heart was a song for UB40 - UB40 has a singer called Ali Campbell - If you take away the Campbell and insert a G after the forename you get Ali G - Ali G is a clever parody of a street gangsta - Mad Frankie Fraser could be called a real gangsta although not be me - Now if mad FRANKIE decided he was tired of gangstaring and needed to RELAX, he might head off to LA to the world capital of movie making HOLLYWOOD - Which links us to Frankie Goes to Hollywood and Relax.

Friday 22nd August 2003 (MC) [Posted Tuesday, August 26 2003 by Uglybob]

me being a twat, i recorded over Fridays with todays show. I thought Chris was off this week. Oh well Todays Tedious Link was JX Son Of A Gun.

1. Supermen Lovers - Starlight, 2. Jaimeson – True, 3. The Cooper Temple Clause - Promises, Promises, 4. Pink feat William Orbit – Feel Good Time, 5. Freeland - We Want Your Soul 3:30 NEWS 6. Elton John - Are you ready for love, 7. Lumidee - Never Leave You (Uh-Oooh), 8. The Libertines - Don’t Look Back Into The Sun, 9. Coldplay - God Put A Smile Upon Your Face, 10. Shy FX feat T-Power & Di - Shake Ur Body, 11. Evanescence - Going Under, 12. Jason Nevins feat Holly James - I’m In Heaven 4:30 NEWS & SPORT 13. Good Charlotte - Lifestyles of The Rich and Famous, 14. D. Kay & Epsilon feat Stamina MC - Barcelona, 15. Girls Aloud - Life Got Cold, 16. Feeder - Forget About Tomorrow 5:00 NEWS & SPORT 17. Rui Da Silva - Touch Me, 18. Christina Aguilera feat Lil' Kim - Can't Hold Us Down, 19. Jurgen Vries - Wilderness, 20. JX - Son Of A Gun (Tedious Link), 21. Sean Paul - Like Glue

The countdown is on to Dave’s big day and much of today’s show was spent talking about the forthcoming weekend’s events. Dave is more nervous than he has been before about tomorrow. Chris told him it’s not too late to change his mind and played him some obscure wedding song with a bloke singing about how he’s not the marrying type of guy. Dave got his suit today and said that pretty much everything was sorted for the big day. He said that he’d see Emma briefly tonight, but she is staying with her mum. Chris said that he should come out tonight to celebrate his last night of freedom, and that he has VIP passes for Stringfellow’s for himself, Dave and Will. Dave declined the offer so Chris said that they should get lapdancers to come into in the studio later. Will (as usual) said they couldn’t and it wasn’t a good plan. Chris said it was an excellent idea and Dave said in the interests of good radio he’d have to go along with Chris on this one. Chris played a CD of wedding-related music and church bells to Dave and asked if Dave would like a CD putting together to play at the wedding as they’re not getting married in a church. Dave said he didn’t want the wedding turning into some kind of tacky roadshow. Chris offered to make some jingles that could be played before the best man’s speech, wedding couple's first dance etc. He also asked Dave if he was planning on watching the Newcastle - Man Utd game at lunchtime tomorrow. Dave said he’d speak to him about it off the air.
Will has promised to be on his best behaviour tomorrow as he recalled the story of how he once managed to push a chocolate cake into the face of a member of the girl band Thunderbugs at a social event a few years back. Chris said although he was not best man tomorrow, he was delighted to have been entrusted by Dave to do such an important job - parking the cars. Dave added that it’d be Chris and ‘that fella with the alsation dog’. Chris said at least he’d have his fair share of dogs. Chris also volunteered to sing Elton John’s Are you ready for love at the wedding. Dave also did a slightly off-mic impression of Elton John on the Sky Sports ad that was very funny. After the 3:30 news Chris ran through some of Newsbeat titles that had been used for features on the show - Newsfeet, Newsbleat etc. George said Newsbeast but wouldn’t reveal which Newsbeat staff member she was talking about.
Chris said to tell him in his headphones and if she didn’t then he’d start talking about her and her boyfriend. He asked her when they would get married and spent about 5 minutes teasing her about this. She sounded very annoyed and embarassed and said it was unfair on Ben, her boyfriend. Chris tried to say sorry but she didn’t seem too impressed.
She also asked Chris if he’s getting married. He said ‘you must be bloody joking’. George then asked what if Sophie really wants to. Chris said ‘ Tough. I’ll just trade her in for a younger model. It’s what I did with the last one.’ Chris said he couldn’t believe he’d just said that but added ‘what the hell it’s been 2 years. She was out of work, I was paying for everything’. He said he was digging himself a deep hole as she (Ana) will be at Dave’s wedding tomorrow. Chris said he was only saying these things to try and boost the figures, he said they needed it after seeing the current RAJAR’s.
Paddy O’Connell was on from Celebdaq. Chris is amongst the celebs in their trunks photographed by the beach in the Mirror today. His price has therefore gone up to £1.64, level with Dave. Paddy revealed funnily enough that he himself is not the marrying type, when the topic of Dave’s wedding photos in heat came up in conversation. Another
bombshell on the show today was the fact that Aled fancies Will’s missus and thinks she has a ‘fit body’. He noticed it when sunbathing in Ibiza. Chris said he didn’t notice but couldn’t help but notice the space bra Emma was wearing. Dave has never bought any clothes for Emma - and said she buys most of his. Chris says Dave has an awful dress sense and it has improved dramatically since he met her. However, Dave now checks with her about the new clothes he buys. Chris said he could see a large thumbprint on Dave’s head. Aled called Dave last night to talk about his outfit for the weddding because he didn’t want to clash with the bridesmaids - which Chris found very funny. Dave said an injection of colour was fine regarding Aled’s outfit, but Aled went out and bought a red suit which Dave, Will and Chris thought was hilarious.
Chris said he’d look like a phone box and Dave said red was the colour of evil and that it was a bit more extreme than he had thought was suitable. Chris said Aled would look like Jonathan Ross. He told him that it was a wedding not Pop Idol - and Aled would look like Dr Fox with his big red suit. Will said Aled needed a 999 emergency stylist and Chris suggested Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder. Aled finally settled on wearing a black suit with a red tie. Chris however said it’d clash with his purple suit.

Thursday 21st August 2003 MC [Posted Thursday, August 21 2003 by Uglybob]

my bit will come tomorrow

1. Coldplay - God Put A Smile Upon Your Face, 2. Shakedown – At Night, 3. Jamelia - Superstar, 4. Ultrabeat – Pretty Green Eyes, 5. Muse - Time is Running Out 3:30 NEWS 6. D. Kay & Epsilon feat Stamina MC - Barcelona, 7. Lemar - Dance (with U), 8. Foo Fighters - Learn To Fly (Recorded live at last night’s gig for Radio 1), 9. Joe Budden - Pump it Up, 10. Starsailor - Silence Is Easy, 11. Eve feat Gwen Stefani - Let Me Blow Ya Mind, 12. Million Dan - Dogz & Sledgez, 13. Richard X feat Kelis - Finest Dreams 14. Busted – Sleeping with the light on 4:30 NEWS & SPORT 15. Sean Paul - Like Glue, 16. Dido - White Flag, 17. Dutch feat Crystal Waters - My Time, 18. Black Rebel Motorcycle Club - Stop 5:00 NEWS & SPORT 19. Lee-Cabrera feat Alex Cartana - Shake It (Move A Little Closer), 20. Miss Dynamite - Miss Dynamitee, 21. Foo Fighters - All My Life (Recorded live at last night’s gig for Radio 1), 22. 50 Cent feat Nate Dogg - 21 Questions, 23. The Undertones - Teenage Kicks (Tedious Link), 24. Jaimeson - Complete, 25. Beyonce Knowles - Crazy In Love, 26. Good Charlotte - The Anthem

Chris, Dave and Will all went to Radio 1’s Foo Fighters gig last night. Dave didn’t get up until after 11 today and Chris said that he was completely trolleyed last night. Dave said he wasn’t feeling at his best and had been told by Emma that he was ‘irresponsible and immature’ when he staggered in at 3 this morning, 4 hours later than he promised his soon-to-be wife. Despite this Dave didn’t have to sleep in the spare room and sneaked into ‘the marital bed’ half an hour later.
Earlier in the evening Dave had bought 2 Carlings from the bar for a combined total of £6.20(!!) and was carrying them back to his seat when he was lifted off his feet by Will and jamesie for a spot of unscheduled crowdsurfing, while the Foos were performing Low. Will decided to seek permission to throw Saturday’s groom up over the crowd from old Producer Ben, who with no hesitation said yes. Dave said he was carried to the front of the stage by the crowd and then taken down by 2 Security guards, who Dave thought might throw him out. They didn’t, but to Dave’s dismay Radio 1 Controller Andy Parfitt was standing directly in front of him when he went to return to his seat. Despite this unplanned event Dave said that he managed not to spill a single drop of the 2 Carlings he’d bought. During the after-show party, Chris was asked to record a piece about the gig for entertainment news on Jo Whiley’s show this morning. In the background of the clip you can clearly hear both Will and jamesie doing their loudest Michael Jackson ‘hee hees’.
A large part of today’s show was spent talking about the events of last night. Dave went over and introduced himself to the BBC Political Correspondent Andrew Marr, who was not only at the gig but wearing a Hawaiian shirt. Chris said he wouldn’t have had him down as a big Foos fan. Will was fascinated to know what they talked about. Chris rang Andrew Marr on the internal phone system and told Dave to chat to him, but to Dave’s delight it went to answerphone. Will then e-mailed Andrew Marr but there was no reply. Chris and Dave also chatted to Vernon Kay and Tess Daly, who Dave talked to for ages but couldn’t remember a word of the conversation. Chris and Dave also said that Vernon was a really nice bloke and apologised during the link for ribbing him on the show over the last few years, admittedly because of the length of his hair. Chris had his hair cut this morning - to ‘the shortest it’s ever been’. Aled said it shows up his grey hair and he should think about getting it dyed. Will then held Aled as Chris went round the desk to boot him strongly in the arse (he was given the choice of either that or a Chinese burn). After the news Chris and George talked about the now-revealed wind up Channel 4/E4 show Lapdance Island, and Chris said George should be a lapdancer. He said she should read topless news in a new feature Dave thinks should be called ‘Nudesbeat’.
The team’s pursuit of Noel Edmonds continued and I’m guessing there’s been more Radio 2 chat on Radio 1 this week than ever before. There was parody Steve Wright and Noel Edmonds links in cheesy local DJ voices with background clapping - and yet more unanswered phone calls to the Edmonds show. Chris said Maureen, Janet and Doris who answered the phones for Radio 2 had Radio 1 on and were telling each other not to answer. Aled finally got hold of Noel’s producer who gave him a statement from the show. ‘ Thankyou very much, he’s very flattered to be talked about on Radio 1 but he doesn’t have the time to talk to you as he comes in around 4 and spends the next hour prepping for his show that starts at 5.’ Dave said Chris handled this with tact and diplomacy as Chris replied ‘Well stick it up your arse then Edmonds’.
Today is GCSE Results day and the team talked about their results. Aled got ten C grades or above, Dave got 4 B’s, 4 C’s and 2 D’s. Chris didn’t say his results. Will did O-levels before they became GCSE’s and Dave and Chris asked him whether he had to use chalk, slate and quills during his exams. Will said that he never attended Hogwarts. There was also another Will porn video link with the usual alternative film porn names read out - Jurassic Pork etc. Spoony also appeared in the background for a link today and Chris said that his ego was so big he had be on daytime Radio 1, and any time he has a cold coming on he sneezes all over Dave Pearce to get to fill in for him.

Wednesday 20th August 2003 (MC/BOB) [Posted Wednesday, August 20 2003 by Uglybob]

1. Lee-Cabrera feat Alex Cartana - Shake It (Move A Little Closer), 2. Crazy Town – Butterfly, 3. Dizzee Rascal - Fix Up, Look Sharp, 4. Foo Fighters – Low, 5. Kelly Clarkson - Miss Independent 3:30 NEWS 6. Jaimeson – Complete, 7. Kings of Leon - Molly’s Chambers, 8. The Black Eyed Peas feat Justin Timberlake - Where Is The Love?, 9. Love Inc - You’re A Superstar, 10. Big Brovaz - Baby Boy, 11. Elton John - Are you ready for love, 12. Kylie Minogue - Love At First Sight, 13. The Darkness - I Believe In A Thing Called Love 14. Pink feat William Orbit – Feel Good Time, 15. The White Stripes - I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself 4:30 NEWS & SPORT 16. Coldplay - God Put A Smile Upon Your Face, 17. Ian Van Dahl - Reason, 18. Abs feat. Nodesha - Miss Perfect, 19. Room 5 feat Oliver Cheatham - Make Luv, 20. Muse - Time is Running Out 5:00 NEWS & SPORT 21. D. Kay & Epsilon feat Stamina MC - Barcelona, 22. Nelly Furtado - I’m Like A Bird, 23. Feeder - Find The Colour, 24. Nelly & Kelly - Dilemma, 25. The Prodigy - Firestarter (Tedious Link), 26. Starsailor - Silence Is Easy, 27. The Thrills - Santa Cruz (You're Not That Far)

Chris starts off the first link today with a complaint about Jo Whiley. It seems someone must have been cutting her hair while she was on air earlier as both Chris and Will have noticed split ends that are unmistakably hers all over the desk and in the studio. Chris congratulated the Republic of Ireland on their 2-1 win over Australia last night. Dave was unhappy though because Robbie Keane was carried off before half time and he is in his Premiership Dream Team. Chris says he’s delighted as Leeds are playing Spurs this weekend. Both Dave and Chris are missing the England game tonight as they are going to see Radio 1’s intimate Foo Fighters gig tonight at a secret London location. (A location they say both Zane Lowe and Scott Mills have read out on air however).
Talking of Mills, Chris told Dave that Scott is not going to be happy when he sees Dave’s DJ playing at the evening
wedding bash on Saturday, and will want to get on and do it himself. Chris again mentioned the fact he hasn’t been asked to DJ - or be Dave’s best man. Chris also said to Dave that a large number of the invited guests invited have drink problems and that that is only going to cause trouble on Saturday night. When asked by Chris if he’s looking forward to Saturday, Dave says he just wants to get the whole thing over and done with. Chris says he’d phrase it differently if Emma asked the same question. Dave also tells the story of how he managed to spend one and a half hours in the wrong wedding when he was invited to Chappers wedding.
Chris spent an hour downloading 6 of his own albums onto his computer this morning - and said he prefers buying CDs to downloading stuff from the net. The last 2 albums he bought were The Thrills and Morcheeba. He also mentioned his Sky plus and Recordable DVD Player again. Edith Bowman was in the studio just before the 3:30 news and after back announcing Kelly Clarkson and Miss Independent, Chris says Edith was very independent and very much a Miss. She replied with ‘Alright, don’t rub it in’ and Chris said he’d love to. After the news with George, Chris said both her and Edith had a lot in common. They both have the surname ‘Bowman’, both are very talented, both work at Radio 1 - and both have ‘lovely knockers’. They also discussed Saturday’s Pop Idol and Dave asked Chris if he saw the ‘stalker’ who knew lots of private information about the judges and told them before he sang. Aled then
said to Dave that the guy in question is suing the makers of Pop Idol for making him out to be a stalker, so Dave quickly retracts his comment. Off air Will said he likes Molly’s Chambers by Kings of Leon and asks who it’s by. Chris said it’s been on the playlist for weeks if not months. Will says he’s a bit slow on the uptake.
Chris revealed he watched Restoration on BBC 2 last night (the programme about revamping old buildings). Chris says he actually voted - for the cemetery in Bristol. The texts and e-mails coming in apparently suggested that the Victorian Baths in Manchester is where the big money is. Chris preceded to read all about the baths from the
Restoration website, pretending he knew what he was talking about. They also discussed smoking today and Dave said although he’s pleased to have given up, he wouldn’t mind a fag with a beer sometimes. Chris said he wished he’d never started but says the adverts for kids that show girls turning down boys because they smoke are not true. He said it’s because they are ugly. He said he couldn’t pull before he smoked and still can’t now, so it doesn’t matter either way. Dave recalled the story of how Chris turned down an offer from Kylie to go for a drink after the show one time, because he said he was washing his hair. The team also again discussed whether Pink is fit or not and Dave said he thinks she looks like a bloke sometimes. He said he prefers her with long hair compared to short, something Chris said he will pass on to her the next time he sees her at the barbers.
Somehow Heather Small from M-People was mentioned in 2 links in 30 mins today and Will said she has lovely knockers. Chris understandably sounded disgusted. Dave said Will was making the show sound small time and amateurish, as they were again trying to get Noel Edmonds on the show today (unsuccessfully). Chris talked to Steve Wright on the phone, and then Steve Wright mentioned him in his next link on Radio 2 - however, Noel is not interested in coming on the show though and won’t even talk on the phone - something which got Chris fuming.
Chris played the Rembrandts and used the pun Aisle be there for you. Chris read more Wedding hell stories. Im sure some of them are made up. Will was more nervous about the wedding than Dave was but Chris said that was probably because they might want to get hitched too. Chris said that Abs needed a good wash. Dave said that he goes out with Sarah Whatmore. Chris asked Will if he had a question to Abs and Will asked whether Modesha had lovely knockers. Chris said that Abs was the only one who didnt know that his fame and career was running out.
Trivial short debate. Chris asked for a chocolate bar and Aled asked what he wanted and Chris said Surprise Me and Aled came back with a Kit Kat. Chris said it was more of a chocolate biscuit than a chocolate bar. Aled asked what he did want on the whole. Chris said Caramel and Caramac.
Chris tried in vain to contact Noel Edmonds on Radio 2. He rang up 08700 100 200 but was told by a young cheerful lady that if he wanted to speak to Noel, he should try 0500 288291. Aled said that the first number is what Radio 2 presenters give out. Aled, you dont listen often, they dont. The other people who hate Sara Cox and Jo Whiley hear the number when Wogan and Bruce are on. When Chris did this, it put him to an engaged tone, proving Noels popularity, or the fact that everyone rang the number as soon as the girl said it.
Chris slammed London and said that would prefer to be in the North. Aled said that he could do his show from home like John Peel but Chris said that he has to be working for another 30 years there before that happens. Chris rowed with Dave saying that the French do not eat horses. Eventually they were told that the most poorest eat horse in France.

Daves Tedious Link
Mark Owen Clementine - Clementines can be found on the fruit and veg stall at the supermarket and in that respects it shares something in common with Tomatoes - Tomatoes are an integral ingredient in Tomato Soup - Tomato Soup is readily available in a can - Can you dig it was a hit for the Mock Turtles - Turtles or more specifically Sea Turtles are very good at swimming as is Sharron Davies - Sharon Davies is a former Big Breakfast presenter much like Mark Little - Mark Little played Joe Mangel in Neighbours - A mangle was traditionally used to wash clothes - Clothes can be dried on a horse - Horse is a delicacy eaten by the French - The French are well represented in this country in the form of Gerard Houiller and Arsene Wenger - Take away the surname and you are left with Arsene, or phonetically Arson which is also the crime of choice if you happen to be a compulsive firestarter Which links us to Prodigy and Firestarter.

Tuesday 19th August 2003 (MC/BOB) [Posted Tuesday, August 19 2003 by Uglybob]

1. Eve – Who’s that girl, 2. Starsailor – Silence is Easy, 3. Dutch feat Crystal Waters – My Time, 4. Pink feat William Orbit – Feel Good Time, 5. Foo Fighters – Disenchanted Lullaby (Dave Grohl acoustic from Jo Whiley’s show this morning) 3:30 NEWS 6. Sean Paul – Like Glue, 7. Jason Nevins feat Holly James - I’m in heaven, 8. Evanescence - Going Under, 9. White Stripes - I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself, 10. Lee-Cabrera feat Alex Cartana - Shake It (Move A Little Closer), 11. Eminem - Cleaning Out My Closet, 12. Louise - Pandora’s Kiss, 13. Beyonce Knowles - Crazy in Love 4:30 NEWS & SPORT 14. 50 Cent - In Da Club, 15. Jaimeson - Complete, 16. Texas - Carnival Girl, 17. Foo Fighters - Times Like These 5:00 NEWS & SPORT 18. Elton John - Are you ready for love, 19. Cam’ron - Hey Ma, 20. The Libertines - Don't Look Back Into The Sun, 21. Mis-teeq - Can’t Get It Back, 22. Mark Owen - Clementine (Tedious Link), 23. Coldplay - God Put A Smile Upon Your Face, 25. Lemar - Dance (with U)

The usual professional start to the show today as Who’s that girl by Eve (the 1st tune) doesn’t start on cue. Dave told Chris to start again while he was busy blaming the equipment for the screw up. Dave and Chris had a total of 8 pints each last night in 2 different pubs, the reason being the second was open till 12 so they could fit in a couple more Stellas at that one. However, Chris was infuriated as an Australian barman told them to hurry up and get out before he rang the police. Chris spent the next 2 minutes slagging Australians, before taking it all back. He watched the Brighton - QPR game in the pub last night and saw Norman Cook shown on-screen in the crowd. Chris then
texted him ‘just seen you on the TV, I’m watching the game, good luck’, to which Norman replied ‘who’s this?’ Dave said they were obviously close friends.
Chris tried to get Noel Edmonds on the show as he is filling in for Johnny Walker this week on Radio 2. Chris says Noel once rang him when he was presenting the breakfast show and said that despite the fact he was listening, he thought Chris was too rude (something he publicly said about Sara Cox last week). Despite a link full of Noel’s house
Party chat and memories, there wasn’t a call from Noel - surprise, surprise. After the 3:30 news Georgina told Chris that on the White Stripes website you can see Jack white’s operation on his finger in full, and said it was disgusting. Chris said he’d like to watch Jordan have her next boob job done on the net and he bet George would love to see it. He said she would definitely cop a feel if she were out with Jordan, just to see what they were like. She said there’s no way she would and Chris replied trust me, you want to. Dave said how did he know and Chris replied Gareth told me they were ‘grrrrrreat’.
Chris was talking about his digital camera again today. He said it cost him £350 for the camera, £50 for a case from the shop Will told him to go to - and for a 1 Gigabit memory stick for it, it cost him £600. That’s a grand before he’s used it. He also said he was going off the idea of buying a video camera because the one recommended to him costs £2100. Louise Redknapp was a guest on the show today and Chris said before she came in that he wouldn’t want to see her naked because she’s a married woman. He quickly added however ‘If Jamie says I can have a look it’d be rude not to’. Chris told Louise he still had a signed Eternal picture and loved all of her early material - both solo and with Eternal. She said she was glad she was pleasing him in those days. He said it was the closest he ever got. Chris told her that from being FHM 2nd sexiest women in the world in 99, she was now down to 40th. She asked what she could do to rectify that and he said get divorced.
Chris opened the lines for more Wedding hell. First caller said someone turned up who wasnt invited and who was well known to act badly when drinking and the bride came up to tell him to stop messing about. He pushed her and she into the buffet cart beside the dancefloor. The bridegroom came out of the toilet, tried to punch the fella and slipped on triple and landed on a cut glass on his arse. He asked the caller to come down to the toilets to help him. At that point, the police had been called and they ran into the toilets to find one man with trousers round his ankles while the caller was behind him gripping his arse to get the glass out. The police came in with the police dogs and the dog bit him on the arse. Chris played the new song from Texas which had some reggae rapping in it. Louise asked Chris when he was getting married. She has known him for 10 years. She still hasnt given him her number. Jamie proposed to her in hospital when he had a broken ankle and his leg in a stirrup. Chris recalled Daves drunken proposal. Chris wished her good luck to her at the Blackpool illuminations. Louise talked about her dogs Winston and Bella. She said that they dont sleep with her because they snore too much, so Chris has more in common with the dogs than Jamie.
Chris wore a beanie hat with his photo with Louise. Dave said it looked like he was like Tommy Cooper. Will took another photo and Chris wasnt happy with the outcome. Georgina said that her sisters friend was a bridesmaid at the same wedding that Louise was also a bridesmaid and they had Charlies Angels written on the back of their dresses because the girl getting married was called Charlie.
Dave is preparing tonight for holidays and for the Foo Fighters gig tomorrow. Chris is going to use his digital camera tonight. Will said that Alex, Ross and Mandy at Horsham Sony Centre would be delighted to help him with his camera needs. Chris decided to film the 10 second link. Chris said he looked drunk.

FA ALED (Never Stop Retching)
Carrie slagged off Carolynne for looking like a footballers wife, her being the one that dated Rio Ferdinand and Seth Johnson. Chris has no idea who the people are. Louise and Carolynne are going to the Tomb Raider premiere tonight. Barry has never written a song before so they have someone who has written for Blue and Busted.

Daves Tedious Link
Stiltskin Inside - Inside is the opposite of outside which was a hit for George Michael who duetted with Elton John on Dont Let The Sun Go Down On Me - Elton John is currently starring in the advert for Sky Sports - One of Sky Sports famous presenters is Richard Keys who apparantly has hairy hands - Hairy hands is often a characteristic of an orangutan - Orangutans are a type of monkey - Monkey wrench is a piece of genius rock by the Foo Fighters - The Foo Fighters are fronted by Dave Grohl who today hosted the Dave and Jo show with Jo Whiley - Jo Whiley is the mother of children and in that respects shares much in common with Delia Smith - Delia Smth has written numerous books on the subject of cookery and can no doubt cook Duck A l'orange which is made with ducks and oranges and the orange family emcompasses many different species including mandarins, satsumas and clementimes - Which links us to Medium Mark Owen and Clementime

Monday 18th August 2003 (MC/BOB) [Posted Monday, August 18 2003 by Uglybob]

1. Elton John – Are you ready for love, 2. NORE – Nothing, 3. Muse – Time is running out, 4. Beyonce Knowles – Crazy in Love 3:30 NEWS 5. Coldplay – God Put A Smile Upon Your Face, 6. Benni Benassi – Satisfaction, 7. Rishi Rich Project feat. Jay Sean & Juggy D - Dance With You (who??), 8. Avril Lavigne - Complicated, 9. D. Kay & Epsilon feat. Stamina MC - Barcelona, 10. N-Sync & Nelly - Girlfriend, 11. Limp Bizkit - Eat You Alive, 12. Lumidee - Never Leave You (Uh-Oooh) 4:30 NEWS & SPORT 12. Gorillaz - Clint Eastwood, 13. Starsailor - Silence Is Easy, 14. Million Dan - Dogz n Sledges, 15. Robbie Williams - Something Beautiful 5:00 NEWS & SPORT 16. Sean Paul - Like Glue, 17. Lasgo - Something, 18. Jamelia - Superstar, 19. Feeder - Forget About Tomorrow, 20. Stiltskin - Inside (Tedious Link), 21. Lee-Cabrera feat. Alex Cartana - Shake It (Move A Little Closer)

Chris welcomed back Mark and Lard by complaining about their backtiming which resulted in the show starting two minutes late. Chris caught the 8.30 train up to Leeds yesterday to watch them play Newcastle. He was pleased with the result (2-2) but not with the fact they had run out of bacon butties on the train up and on the train back to London some woman was rude to him because he fell asleep and she thought he was some dosser. Much of the first hour was spent moaning about the fact Chris had bought a digital camera and needed to buy a memory card for
it, about the fact he has to download his CDs onto his computer to his iPod - and thirdly about some scientific bloke in the 3:30 news who was defending astrology. Chris then did a link reading out fake horoscopes for the whole team and said horoscopes were for socially inadequate people who needed to get more sex.
Dave and Will had Charlie Dimmock as a guess who from the BBC canteen this morning. Dave refused to comment when asked by Chris if she looked rough. Because Dave is getting married on Saturday Will and Chris have thought up a brand new feature called ‘AISLE be there with you’. Chris played clips of George Michael’s Freedom into the show to celebrate Dave’s last week of it.
Chris got people to phone up with wedding howlers, yes it did sound like a local radio feature but this was a way to get non plussed Dave nervous but it didnt seem to work. No matter, Chris will try again the rest of the week. Wedding photographer on the phone - A punch up happens at 1/3 of weddings. Potential guests to be involved in a punch up are Andy the Greek. kevin said the wedding he was at, his friend tried to get into the cathedral with a full pint of lager.
Chris bigged up Rampage for 1xtra as he listened to them this morning. The Tune Of Da Week is Dirt McGirt, something Dave found very funny. Chris played the track after the tedious link and put on his best Westwood impression. Chris found a copy of the tune and played it just before the end of the show, doing Westwood impressions over it and chatting to Dave, Will and Aled - for the purposes of the link known as Comedy Bitch, Dreadlockhead and Welsh Sheep.
Chris and Dave think they got the flu from the Air Conditioning. This makes Chris brag that he has only taken off one sick day. Chris said that getting vouchers was a lazy idea for a present. He proceeded to ask Will what he was getting and he replied voucher. Chris thought of a Plasma screen until he saw the prices. Dave wanted a season ticket so Chris offered a season ticket to Leeds. He said that scented candles would be good because they were cheap. Dave wanted a Snooker table but Chris said he would be better with Dangermouse Bed Set.
Dave had the idea that he could turn the spare room into his den and make it a bit filthy to ward off people who would think about staying for a while. Dave said that with the drawers and cupboards out he could put in a snooker table and dart board and a mini fridge to stock beer. He changed his mind and said the future wife could have it so he can take the lounge instead because it was bigger. Chris said he could get him some quality surround sound speakers because Chris said it doesnt count when you hook your telly up to stereo speakers, one placed on top of the telly and one at the back of the sofa.
Dave said that Emma is a bit close to getting round to getting them dolls that you put over a toilet roll. Chris tried to play the Chart Game on Radio 1 Online but as I tried it yesterday and failed, so did Chris.

Daves Tedious Link
Bizarre Inc Im Gonna Get You - Im Gonna Get You could be uttered by Claudia Ranieri to his counterparts Fergie and Wenger as his revitalised Chelsea are looking good enough to win the Premiership title - The title looks very unlikely to be heading to Wolves - Wolves are related to dogs - Dogs have a very sophisticated sense of hearing - Hearing rhymes with clearing which is something that can be found in an area of woodland or forest - Forrest Gump was played by Tom Hanks - Take and the KS and add kerchief and you get Handkerchief which is device used for the disposal of snot from your nose - A nose is made up of two nostrils, unless your Daniella Westbrook when you just have one big one - The Big One is a ride at Blackpool - Blackpool is a seaside resort, something it has in common with St Tropez in the south of France which is a playground for the most beautiful women who like to parade along the seafront in their short skirts and long hair - Long hair was a famous characteristic of Rapunzel who according to legend was locked INSIDE a tower playing with her lengthy locks which some little ugly dude was in the basement making cloth or something - His name of course was Rumpelstiltskin - Which links us to one hit wonders Stiltskin with Inside from 1994.

Friday 15th August 2003 - Bob [Posted Sunday, August 17 2003 by Uglybob]

Foo Fight
Vicky from Cardiff won special Friday tickets to see the gigs with 3 of her pals and meet the band. She beat Will from Scarborough after she guessed the quote from Grohl about Christina Aguilera.

Chris played the non-playlisted new track from Louise. Chris always gets to play 1 unplaylisted track for some reason on Fridays to test the waters. I think its very Radio 1 friendly. Chris called it not bad for a Footballers Wife. He will have to be calling it good on Wednesday because she is coming in. Chris asked David Garido about the Sun back page about Alan Smith going to Aston Villa which was to be a complete lie. Chris reprimanded the reporter Janine Self and funnily she works freelance so she couldnt reply from the Sun. Garido said the Sun were very cheeky.

Every Friday Jonathan Pearce will join the team for Football chat. So its the first in a brand new feature of:

Friday with Jonathan Pearce
Predictions - Chelsea, Arsenal, Man Utd in that order at the top. Relegation you are looking at 3 from 6, Leeds, Fulham, Leicester, Wolves, Bolton and Portsmouth. Pearce is a bit worried about Middlesborough and think they will struggle. If Leeds keep Viduka then they will stay up because he gets 20 goals a season. Pearce thought Duff was value for money at £17M. Dave thought the best signing was Matt Holland for only £750,000 to Charlton.
David Moyes is considering a loan move for Francis Jeffers back to Everton from Arsenal. What I would like to see is Dave taking control of this feature and leaving Chris to the background but im sure his ego wont allow this.

Daves Tedious Link
Echobelly Great Things - Lead singer of Echobelly was called Sonya, not to be confused with Sonia who was a Liverpudlian caterwauling singer in the late 80's and who recently appeared on Reborn in the USA - Born in the USA was a big hit for Bruce Springsteen - Bruce Springsteen shares the same first name as Bruce Forsyth - One of Bruce catchphrases is Nice to see you, to see you Nice - Nice is in the South of France - South of France lies on the Med unlike Ibiza which lies in the Med - Ibiza is where Chris and Dave are newly respected DJ's who command Baleric respect - Respect was a big hit for Arethra Franklin who has duetted with George Michael - George Michael shares the same first name as George Burley who manages Derby - Derby is the birthplace of Tracy Shaw and stories about Tracy Shaw appeared several times in the Suns Bizarre column which is printed using ink so I suppose that you could say that over the years shes taken up a lot Bizarres Ink - Which links us to Bizarre Inc and Im Gonna Get You

Dominic Byrne joined the team. He is now a proud daddy but Chris just had to take the piss out of what they decided to call the baby. Dominic called it Finton. Chris asked what his wife Lytham St Annes, thought of it.

Chris - His wife Mrs B, big fan of the show, loves me.
Dom - She does love you.
Chris - She wanted to see me crucified. Didnt she call me scum one day?
Dom - Yeah but she didnt mean it.
Dave laughs
Will - Nice scum.
Dom - Scum in a loving caring way.
Chris - So this is your first child... that you know of, eh, if the CSA are listening that was a joke, so your first baby boy weighing in at..
Dom - I know what your leading up to, 7lbs 15 ounces, a healthy weight im told.
Chris - I wouldnt know about these things but good. Does it look like anyone, obviously it looks like a baby.
Dom - Yes, it looks like the complete spit of both of us.
Chris - Aww thats lovely, here comes the killer... and youve called your boy what?
Dom - Finton.
Chris - On Sea?
Dom - Its a nice name, Finton or Fin for short.
Chris - Right.
Dom - Its an old Irish name, you should know that.
Chris - What were the other possibilities, Reilly, Bridlington or Brid for short?
Dom - Do you not like it?
Chris - No, I think its...
Dom - What?
Chris - Interesting.
Dom - I think its nice, hes the only one I know of.
Chris - Yes but then again if you had named him Cabbage he would have been the only one you would have known of too. Finton.
Dom - Its nice.
Chris - God I'd hate the names that you rejected.
Dave - Should have called him Tony.
Chris - EH EH, and if it was a girl you could have called it Toni, oh how common and you like Finn for short.
Dom - Finn for short yeah.
Chris - So why did you not call it Finn then?
Dom - Because, I dont know, I just thought Finton would be nicer. Id of thought you would have liked that.
Chris - Is it a Saints name, dunno, patron saint of Postcards.
Dom - Its a Gaelic name.
Chris - Its a gay name.
Dom - Its the gaelic name for old.
Chris - So Old Byrne, thats like some kind of aftershave.
Dom - Yes it is. Well with our surname is that you cant have too many, Ray Byrne is my uncles name and thats just stupid. Thats actually his real name. Third Degree was also another one we couldnt use.
Will - and Carpet.
Dom - Yeah, yeah.
Chris - And Tony is a definite no no.
Dave - Actually you would have called him Carpet before considering Tony wouldnt you?

Thursday 14th August 2003 (sidla/bob) [Posted Thursday, August 14 2003 by Uglybob]

The show started local radio style, with cheesy DJ voices and some classic George Benson, in a mock ‘new look’ Chris Moyles show, sponsored by Thornton’s Fudge. Giving out all the news of the local jumble sales and a birthday shout out to Dan the white van man. This was followed by some classic soul from Barry White. This was the funniest start to the show for ages, and emails came flooding in to tell them so. A review of this is not really good enough, so hopefully someone will upload the clips.
The second half hour was mainly taken up by the football competition, where a Friday finalist can win 2 tickets to a game of their choice. Today’s winner was an Everton and he said that if he wins on Friday he’d like to take Dave with him. He said he’d much rather go with a true Everton fan than with one of his mates who all support Arsenal and Southampton. Chris said Dave would almost certainly take him up on the offer, and Dave agreed.

BIG BLUBBER SEXTATHLON FINAL
Trampolining - Chris complained it was on the same day as their horrific crash.
Points
Chris - 2
Dave - 4
Will - 6
Aled - 10

-------------the final results----------------
4th Will - 25 points
3rd Chris - 28 points
2nd Dave - 35 points
1st Aled - 44 points
Aled made a speech and won the coveted trophy.

Foo Fighters competition
Ian won after he heard a chord from Breakout. This is his 17th time he has seen them. He is seeing them on Saturday too at V Festival.

FAME ACADEMY
Nicks out. Dave actually watched it because his mum is a FA expert Chris cant be bothered. Neither can I. Just give it to Jenson Buttons girlfriend and stop the charade that everyones got a chance.

Chris played Chappers singing Tiffanys song I Think Were All Alone Now and Ediths rendition of Right Said Fred Deeply Dippy. Chris' SHAME ACADEMY country song (hes on the Breakfast show tomorrow performing this along with a song chosen by the listeners)

Once when I was young
I bit my father legs
I wanted toast for breakfast but he gave me a fried egg (THAT WAS ME, I SENT IN A TEXT, buggers said them to change it to scrambled egg, a fried egg scans better fools.)
I never been to Dorset but I heard its really nice
I aint been to Wales either but ive been to Luton twice

Daves Tedious Link
Freakpower had Norman Cook who is the husband to Zoe Ball - Zoe Ball used to be on Radio 1 - Other DJs who used to be at Radio 1 have been Man Ezeke, Tony Blackburn and Jakki Brambles - Jakki Brambles is mates with Lorraine Kelly - Lorraine Kelly is from Scotland - Scotland is the locations for Monarch of the Glen - Glenn Hoddle had a brief chart stay with Chris Waddle - Chris Waddle used to play for Sheffield Wednesday who are known as the owls - The owl and the pussycat went out to sea in a pea green boat - Boat rhymes with Goat which is one animal that is able to produce cheese and cheese is regarded as a delicacy to be served with biscuits after a hearty meal which some people are less fortunate to eat these great things and their bellys could be so empty that it might sound like an echo - Which links us to Echobelly and Great Things.

Wednesday 13th August 2003 [Posted Wednesday, August 13 2003 by Uglybob]

I aint received a review yet from the other 2 reviewers so you are going to have to wait.

Tuesday 12th August 2003 (sidla/bob) [Posted Tuesday, August 12 2003 by Uglybob]

First link was full of stuff about Spooks and 24, and since I watch neither, I didn’t really catch a word of it. An exciting piece of news was revealed today however, Jonathan Pearce the legendary 5 Live football commentator will be on the show every Friday. Finally there will be more than 1 footballing mind on the team.
Chris switched over to Radio 2 after the news, where Jon Culshaw was a guest on the Steve Wright show. Chris thought it was funny how when Jon’s on more up-market stations, Jon’s impressions get more exclusive. Dave said that when Jon used to be on Chris’s show he’d only do impressions of people they’d heard of, such as Frank Bruno. This was followed by the usual banter from Chris about how ‘I made you what you are today’ etc.
Foo Fighters competition again with a jumbled up track which was All My Life. Danielle won. Chris decided to pick up on Pinks bad rhyming and rubbish lyrics to Dont Let It Get Me. Chris was pissed off that his chair was squeaking so much. He found it ironic that it was a soundproof studio but they gave him a squeaky chair. Chris called Dizzee Rascal brillant. I dont think he was taking the piss either though, startingly

FA ALED
Fame Academys back, Chris is really excited, well im being sarcastic. He couldnt give a toss about it. Chris said that Carolynne was fit until he heard that she had went out with Ben from A1, Rio Ferdinand and Seth Johnson. Aled read out that Jenson Button was Louises other half although he has no clue as to who he is. You should vote off Barry from Belfast as quickly as possible, Malachi is going round BBC Northern Ireland thinking he is a big star. Lets hope his throat infection gets worse. Wouldnt it be great to have all the students having a throat infection. One can dream eh. Carrie is still wearing low cut tops but she still has a face that could make you shit yourself if you saw her in a dark alleyway. Another update on Thursday. Chris said that David Sneddon was next and played Queens of the Stone Age. Dave received a text from Adam G in Middlesborough saying Is this really David Sneddon?.
Chris asked Aled about the tape of when he was in the Fame Academy. Aled said he threw it away but Chris said that his ego wouldnt let him throw it away, the thought of him on video would make his head larger. Chris ordered him to bring it in tomorrow so they could have a good laugh. Aled asked if he could edit it but Chris said no and that they could easily detect if he did. Chris warned him if he did that he would get his mobile and ring people he doesnt want to speak to anymore.

Daves Tedious Link
Prince Raspberry Beret - Berets are a type of hat which you would associate with the French - French people like garlic and onions - Onions can be coloured white and red and in that respects it could say shares something in common with wine - Wine is made from grapes as is raisins - Raisins are a bit like sultanas - Take away the last A and you get Sultan as in Sultans of Swing which was a hit for Dire Straits - Straits as in the Straits of Gibraltar or the Menine refer to the thin strip of water - Water is what most of us are - R Kelly wants to stick his key in your ignition and get you to move like a snake y'all - Snakes give birth to their young by laying them in eggs, something it shares with both chickens, crocodiles and quails and if you remove the phonetic L sound from the word quail you get Quaye - Which links us to Finlay Quaye and Even After All

Monday 11th August 2003 (sidla bob) [Posted Monday, August 11 2003 by Uglybob]

Chris flew back from Ibiza via Barcelona and experienced his usual phobia when the plane encountered turbulence as the flew through a thunderstorm. Chris said it’s not so much a fear of flying, it’s more a fear of dying. To try and combat his fear, Chris has been in touch with Paul McKenna. Paul McKenna was on the phone just before 4 o’clock to teach the nation an exciting new technique for fighting phobias. The technique involved tapping various pressure points while singing tunes and various other bizarre exercises. I must confess it did nothing for me, but Chris said it seemed to calm him down. Aled commented that maybe it just takes your mind off your fears.
Chris trailed a competition called Foo Fight which was to win tickets to see Foo Fighters next week at an intimate gig. They are doing it all week. Jenny from St Helens was against Simon from Leicester. They used the instrumental version of Eye Of The Tiger by Survivor. Simon won by correctly saying This Is A Call was released in 1995. He was allowed to bring 3 mates.
Dave thought very priviledged to be a top DJ. Chris said there was a confused reaction when he mixed Magnum PI into Fatboy Slim and were flumoxed when he used Sheldons dance mixes of Animal Hospital and Ground Force. Chris had an exclusive in his hands. He had the Cherie Blair dance track. It was very bad. Chris and Dave played in the backroom of Dave Pearces Euphoria night.
Chris is excited that its the last Spooks tonight but was peeved off that they didnt show it last week on BBC3. Chris talked about the different contraptions he had. He has Sky +, DVD, DVD Recorder, Video and TV. He hasnt the DVD Recorder wired up because he has to get his cousin to fix it.
Dave Pearce joined the team to talk about the weekend Ibiza shenanigans. Pearce thanked them for giving him a massive crowd as they all scuttled away from Moyles attempted DJ'ing to Dave Pearces room leaving mucho space in the back room.

Daves Tedious Link
David Morales - Needin You - David Morales is famous for having neatly trimmed facial hair, something he shares in common with Bob Geldof - Bob Geldof organized Live Aid which took place in London and Philadelphia - Philadelphia is where Will Smith is from - Will Smith is famous for having sticky out ears much like Gary Lineker - Gary Lineker is from Leicester, something he shares in common with Mark Morrison - Morrisons is the name of a supermarket chain - Chains of Love was a hit for Erasure - Erasure sounds a bit like eraser which is the american word for Rubber which in turn is a slang phrase for a condom as in rubber jonny - Johnny Depp is currently in the film Pirates of the Caribbean alongside Jack Davenport who played Miles in This Life - This Life should not be confused with Thats Life, a light hearted consumer programme popular in the 80's hosted by Esther Rantzen and Doc Cox - Doc Cox shares his surname with Carl Cox who is a world famous Ibiza DJ like us - Us is spelt U-S as in the abbreviations for United States which gives us people like Tiger woods, Chevy Chase and the Artist Formerly Known as Prince - Which links us to Prince and Raspberry Beret.

Friday 8th August 2003 [Posted Monday, August 11 2003 by Uglybob]

CHRIS IS LIVE IN IBIZA DAY

Today’s guest was DJ Sammy. He says his favourite thing about Ibiza is the women. Chris impressed him with his singing and DJ Sammy said the girls that sing on his records best watch out as he may use Chris instead. The team and DJ Sammy decided to make up their own little dance song, with Chris singing (sort of) and Dave and Will playing the ‘shaky things’. It was, erm, interesting, and somewhat shite to be brutally honest.
Chris and Dave decided to hitch a ride to suprise Pete Tong. Tong had no idea that the team were coming. There was a couple of links where they were in the back in the car. Dave got on the Wheels Of Steel and the crowd laughed at him. Dave decided to mix Sheldons Snooker Mix into Beyonces Crazy In Love which sounded speeded up.

Daves Tedious Link
Armand Van Helden You Dont Know Me - Armand Van Helden shares a similar sounding name to Eddie Van Halen - Van Halen had a 1984 hit with Jump - Jump was also ahit for Kriss Kross in 1992 - 1992 saw the release of Waynes World which starred Dana Carvey and Mike Myers - Despite having Liverpool parents, Mike Myers was born in Canada - A policeman in Canada is called a Mountie - Mountie rhymes with Bounty which is a taste of paradise - Paradise is where we are in the beautiful Island of Ibiza - Ibiza is like a second home for DJ's such as Pete Tong and Pete Tong has met and has probably considers himself to be mates with the one and only David Morales - Which links us to David Morales and Needin U

Thursday 7th August 2003 [Posted Thursday, August 7 2003 by Uglybob]

Chris decided to drink himself out of shock from his car crash ordeal. He stayed up to half 6 in the morning drinking. Aled had a Woo Woo night last night. The show was all over the place, but in a good way. Chris awoke today with a text message from the God that is Pat Sharp about the ordeal asking if he was fine. This brought back Funhouse memories. Chris asked for someone to send them the theme tune and someone did but it was of poor audio quality but Dave sang along to the words which he found from the Internet. Moyles got mentioned in the Sun today about the crash where they have still called a Roly Poly DJ. The only thing that had pleased him about it was that they used a recent photo and not one from 1996-98 period when it was fair to say, he was a bit obese and had tragic long hair. Georgina sounded as if she had been on the pop because she fumbled her lines twice.
Chris had 2 new jingles from some popstars to play after Girls Aloud the other day. Chris bet Dave and the newly arrived Will twenty pounds that they would laugh when they heard the jingle. If they didnt then the twenty pounds would be their. After only 2 seconds they cracked as the jingle kicked Hello this is Junior, and this is Senior. Chris played the second jingle and upped the ante to sixty each. In it the group said that Chris tasted better than cheese. Chris really wanted to play a clip to insert into their song but Will said no. Chris then sort of gave the joke away when he played the Father Jack soundclip of Arse. Arse Bandits - yes did you get it. Will morosely told Chris to go to a record quick but he refused to and said that he might be drunk but he will be sober and not ugly in the morning. Chris claimed that the Marx brothers said the line but Will said it was Winston Churchill. They decided to ring brother Kieran, who seemed to be in America and he said Churchill. Will was sent a digital photo of Pat Sharp in Magaluf. Pat texted back saying they could call him if they liked but Chris chickened out of dialling the legend.
Chris walked out during the 4:30 news bulletin to see what the weather was like outside and he said it was boiling. Will would let Chris onto the roof. Chris said it would be hotter on the roof because it was nearer to the sun. Aled got confused about this and said that you get snow at the top of mountains and it got colder the closer you get to the sun. Think the last 8 words of that sentence shows where he went wrong. Chris doesnt want a beer tonight as he walked into the studio, well not walked, more like stumbled. Chris revealed that he called Edith Bowman at 6am and she didnt take it well. Chris lied that he also called John Peel and tried to get Will to do a John Peel telephone voice which sounded more like Roger Moore. Will decided that his Denis Norden impression was better.
Chris got another text from Pat saying that the twins Melanie and Martina had contacted him and wanted to talk to Chris. Chris got an email revealing a secret about Scott Mills. Mills was in the other studio so he nodded. Thursday is usually the day that people record shows so was he recording a show for later transmission. Aled had 14 shots last night.
Chris pretended he was in Ibiza by playing the sound of the ocean. Will added some seagull sound effects that made it sound more like being live in Morcambe rather than live at Mambo. Chris suggested they just go to Ibiza and ring in at 1pm tomorrow and say they are in Ibiza and there is nothing management could do. Aled said that they would use Scott Mills or Spoony so that poo pooed that idea. Chris had a round of Advert Roulette after he played the old advert Sun Bag. The reason why it is called Roulette is that some of the 84 recorded were banned because they went past the knuckle as opposed to near the knuckle. One of the adverts banned was Wankee, todger art basically, which you can find in the Sound Vault. The ones they did play was DJ Spoony Garage CD Spoof and the out of date Live and Kicking appeal from 2000.

Chris had a new joke
Pavarotti said that he prefers performing on stage to having sex, you know why though, its hard to have sex for a tenor.

Daves Tedious Link
Zero 7 Destiny - Take away Zero and you get Seven - Seven was a film starring Morgan Freeman and Brad Pitt - Brad Pitt is married to Jennifer Anniston - Jennifer Anniston is Greek - Greeks like to make yoghurt - Yoghurt can be delivered by a milkman as can bizarrly Fruit Juice - Fruit Juice comes in a carton - Add an O to Carton and you get cartoon, which is like drawings in televisual form - A form is often something that needs to be filled in as do potholes - Add an R and you get the word Potholers who are strange people who like to spend their weekends in a dark wet hole - Hole were fronted by Courtney Love - Love Is All Around - Been Around the World was a number 1 hit for Lisa Stansfield and if you go on a decade to 1999, there was a number 1 by Armand Van Helden - Which links us to Armand Van Helden featuring Dwayne Arden and You Dont Know Me.

Wednesday 6th August 2003 [Posted Thursday, August 7 2003 by Uglybob]

to appear here when i can be arsed, if you want a mark owen transcript, ask for it in the trash can forum.

Tuesday 5th August 2003 (uglybob freestyle/sam) [Posted Tuesday, August 5 2003 by Uglybob]

Due to Sidla no-showing AGAIN and the fact that I had thunder and lightning which in turn made the electric go off, I was unable to hear my segment of the show. Blame God if he exists. By pure coincidence, the electric came on at 5:40pm, the buggers, with Chris saying what the current bids for Daves wedding photos between Heat, Now, Daily Star and Radio 1 online. Scottie is leading with £20.

Sams bit
Amazingly, Chris and Dave made it on to the roof and were looking over the sides to see all of London. Minor problem with this was that the wall was so high Dave couldn't actually see over it. Chris was annoyed because the roof next to theirs had deck chairs and they didn't. Dave pointed out this was because all the money went on high quality broadcasting. Yeah, for Radio 2. Chris however was impressed that their were no members of staff stood on the fire escape having a cigarette, as normally the whole of newsbeat are up there. Theres not really much to do on the roof so Dave and Chris occupied themselves by waving at people in offices nearby.

Im reliably informed that todays Tedious Link was from Matthew Hughes on email so id thought id do my own way of linking.

Uglybobs Tedious Link
Barenaked Ladies - Barenaked Ladies came from Canada as does Shania Twain - Never the Twain was a rubbish sitcom in the 80's about two antique dealers - David Dickinson is a famous antique dealer - David Dickinson shares his first name with David Coverdale who was with a band called Whitesnake - Snakes slither on the ground much like Francis Jeffers whenever he gets into the penalty area - Big Area was a hit for Then Jericho - The lead singer of Then Jericho was originally in the Reborn in the USA programme until he walked out - Other famous TV walk outs have included the Bee Gees on Clive Anderson and Lemmy walking out of Never Mind The Buzzcocks, dampened by the fact that they had recorded everything by the time he did walk out - Lemmy is the lead singer with Motorhead - Which links us to Motorhead and The Ace Of Spades.

Monday 4th August 2003 (sam/bob) [Posted Monday, August 4 2003 by Uglybob]

Statement from the Chris Moyles show - Cameron will not be appearing on the show as Big Brother is over and his appeal is diminishing so the listeners do not care anymore really. He actually would like to come on the show but at present there is no point. However, on Wednesday the show will have as special guest former Take That member and winner of the last Celebrity Big Brother, Mark Owen, as he limbers up for the chart on Sunday and where his new single Four Minute Warning will chart. Uglybob says 8 if he is lucky.

NO REVIEW FROM SIDLA
Chris played a clip of Girls Aloud calling him sexy, to which he was pleased as they are fit. He played their new single Life Got Cold and got loads of emails complaining about the likeness to Wonderwall, and about him playing a Girls Aloud song in general. However, because they are fit, Chris is letting them off. I'm guessing they will be guests soon then, normally he shouts abuse at them.
Chris asked people to send him webcam pictures of their boobs. As usual the men sent in their boy boobs. Chris, it is nigh impossible to get a female webcammer to get their baps out. Simon Powell sent in his baps, his bread baps, har har har. Chris got a pic from Ruth that they liked. Will promoted www.flashyourrack.com . Will said that someone sent in a pic saying it was them, apart from the fact at the bottom said page3.com. Chris reckoned that they might have better replies if they were to come into the studio and flash.
Chris got sent a pic of Kylies bum from the days papers and this got them on the subject of the conversation of allowing a fling with a celebrity a la the film Indecent Proposal. Dave said he would let his fiancee sleep with Robbie Williams and this got them into thinking which 3 celebs they would put down on their wish list. Dave chose three Australians namely Kylie, Natalie Imbruglia and Holly Valance. Will liked Kate Humble who presents the holiday and nature programmes and called Carol Smilie Vintage Bintage. He also added the girl from Spooks, I think he meant Keeley Hawes. Chris started saying June Whitfield or Gloria Hunniford whilst Dave said Rula Lenska. Chris said that Dave fiancee would chose Robbie, Charlie from Busted and Dave added that her lass also like Tim Wheeler from Ash. Chris refused to list the three as it meant he can cheat 3 times. Will said Chris wasnt allowed to put random lapdancers name down. Chris picked Christina Aguilera because she's a mucky lass. I think she looks like a she-male.
Chris played Robbie and Angels live at Knebworth last night. Chris made special t-shirts for Knebworth with Dave, Will and Aleds names on the back. It said Chris Moyles : The We Didnt Meet Robbie Tour 2003 : We came, We saw, He kicked us out. Chris pogoed to Kids launching off the shoulders of Will and old Producer Ben.
Tomorrow is the final of the Sextathlon. They even have a trophy engraved for the winner. They got it from the shows budget. Will cannot win it because he is so far behind. Chris only can win if he finishes first and Aled last. The final event was announced as trampolining. Will asked if he could pull a sickie bearing in mind he cant win. Chris said no. Chris played the Rocky Theme as the bed. Chris finally turned Will into himself as Will said they could have naked listeners trampolining tomorrow. Chris said all Will needs now is a black mac. Kate from the Dave Pearce show wore a skirt for the first time in Chris history.

Daves Tedious Link
Robbie Millennium - Robbie Williams has just played Knebworth as has Queen - Queens frontman was the late great Freddie Mercury - Freddie was a famous moustached man much like Tom Selleck (how many times has Sellecks name been mentioned on a link?) - Tom Selleck was Magnum which is also the name of an Ice Cream treat - Treat her like a Lady was a 1999 hit for Celine Dion - Celine is a Canadian signer as is Avril Lavigne - Lavigne has many of the same letters as Lasagne - Lasagne was the favourite food of Garfield - Gafields mate was Odie - If you replace the O of odie with an A you get Adie as in Kate Adie, the famous BBC war correspondent - Kate Adie is a strong woman in the mental sense unlike Fatima Whitbread who is a strong lady in the physical sense - Sense rhymes with Fence which is what seperates one garden from another - One to Another was a big hit for the Charlatans - The Charlatans are a 5 piece and interestingly so are the Barenaked Ladies - Which links us to Barenaked Ladies and One Week

Friday 1st August 2003 (LIVE AT KNEBWORTH) [Posted Friday, August 1 2003 by Uglybob]

1. Robbie - Let Me Entertain You (awful segway), 2. Stereophonics - Maybe Tommorrow, 3. Elton John - Are You Ready For Love, 4. 50 Cent - In Da Club, 5. Junior senior - Rhythm Bandits, 6. Benny Benassi - Satisfaction, 7. Busted - Sleeping With The Light On, 8. Lumidee - Never Leave, 9. White Stripes - Seven Nation Army, 10. Barcelona, 11. Wayne Wonder - No Letting Go, 12. Rui Da Silva - Touch Me, 13. Ash - Shining Light, 14. Pink - Feel Good Time, 15. Good Charlotte - The Anthem, NEWS, 16. Kylie - Love At First Sight, 17. Coldplay - God Put A Smile On Your Face, 18. Kelly Osbourne - Shut Up, (Robbie lands in Knebworth) 19. Kings Of Leon - Mollys Chamber, NEWS, 20. Deepest Blue - Deepest Blue, 21. Destinys Child - Bootylicious, 22. Ultrabeat - Pretty Green Eyes, 23. Room 5 - Make Luv, 24. Robbie - Millennium, 25. Jason Nevins - Im In Heaven, 26. Tomcraft - Loneliness

Air raid alarm noises start the show off and Chris revealed his is live in Knebworth. Live outside broadcast shows are notoriously the worst shows that Chris does so we will see what happens. New jazzy bed starts off the first link. He is between the toilets and the tent of free beer. Will has 6 passes but none are useful. Edith Bowman joined the team today. Chris said its a traffic nightmare. Chris said he can get on the roof to entertain the crowd between the sets. The Darkness were playing at the time and the soundproof studio. They have decided not to interview Moby because the room smells of steak.
Chris interviewed Kelly Osbourne at 3:20pm. She was very excited and didnt say anything of interest, usual then.
Edith with the crowd, fella said hes looking forward to chris duetting. no free bar next they found out but the lady in there has lovely knockers. Rick and Tim from Ash joined Chris. Rick accepted Chris present of a 1988 Radio 1 Roadshow T-Shirt with an essence of Hi Karate from Gary Davies and he said he will wear it in the live set.
robbie jets in
Pete Tong in Ibiza. Said nothing interesting. Oh well, can you sense some link developing here.
Jonathan Wilkes joined them. Chris said that it was Lisa Riley because he has been chosen as her successor for presenting Youve Been Framed. It was Wilkes birthday so Chris got him a card with Happy Birthday to Lisa Riley and her name scored out and Jonny written instead. Chris tried to take the pee because he said that Robbie was hogging all the limelight on his birthday so Dave got him a card, oh and Will got him a card, oh and by the way Ferg, the executive producer got him a card too.
Max Beesley joined them. Now I remember Max Bessley for 2 things. I remember him from presenting a godawful show at like 12:40pm on a Sunday with Dani Behr around 1994 called Surf Potatoes. The only thing I remember is that they sat on a blue sofa and did links. There was some fella on it who made up stories to get on local news or pretend to be people on that great show The Time, The Place. The other thing was he played a DJ in the biggest flop for a long time (and we didnt see that coming eh) Glitter starring Mariah Can u see enuff of my tits yet Carey. He played Tom Jones and he said that he took time out of his busy (busy my ass) schedule to help Robbie out on tour. Rearrange these words to form the real reason Famous Im not clinging so anymore im a celeb famous still.

Daves Tedious Link was Robbie and Millennium. This is the first time a Tedious Link track has been used again.